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violins

you open upward into smoke and it's true that i
know how to let you go. but what i want to do
and what i have to never coincide
these past few months. so give me the car
and let me put the windows down, i've been
hearing violins all day and i know this place,
i really know this place. i know it's quieter than it
has been for me. i know that when i sleep,
i should not hear anything. and i know what we all thought;
the weekend
will heal it,
but i lose another limb
every time i think
a certain thought.

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1 - 10 of 10

  • gypsy camp
    December 30, 2008

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    [i've been
    hearing violins all day and i know this place,
    i really know this place. i know it's quieter than it
    has been for me.] -- i found this to be particularly spectacular.


  • luna-midnight gold member
    July 24, 2008

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    i really like this, its very enjoyable to read, at least to me...i love the idea of violins, oddly enough its almost a contrast itself to the poem..for a violin seems to be calming, and the poem seems of the essence of trying to forget and let go....while in fact they can't or do not. *sigh* who knows, im sleepy
    either way this is a wonderful write that i enjoyed
    keep it up and take care
    Stephanie &harts;

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    July 8, 2008

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    I wasn't fond of the layout of the piece -

    but that aside, you have some really striking images and concise emotion. Really nicely done.


  • the atlantic
    July 5, 2008

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    and i know what we all thought;
    the weekend
    will heal it,
    but i lose another limb
    every time i think
    a certain thought.

    such a killer ending, i love the flow of your pieces...concise but still striking, powerful with some great imagery. stellar.


  • Puking Faerie Dust gold member
    July 4, 2008

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    The opening line is fantastic. I got a great image from the smoke bit, very creative and pretty. The part about coinciding is something I can relate to immensely lately. I also love the mention of violins. They're such a beautiful and graceful instrument. They can be gentle and slow, or fast and harsh. The ending was subtle but it fit well. Another great write!
    Jeanette*~


  • shirk
    July 4, 2008

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    i really like it. especially the end. i'm not really sure how to take the first part of it.

    it seems a little bit different from your other writes, which isn't a bad thing. just an observation.

    the ending was really powerful, i thought.

    • houseandcloud
      July 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      i agree, it seems different to me as well. but it kinda just poured out of me so i didn't edit too much, which i think worked to it's benefit. everything in this poem is true, and that in itself is different from how i usually do things. thanks.


  • lively banter
    July 4, 2008
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    yay, new material. nice nice!

  • likeforeignpost
    July 4, 2008
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    this is the way i wish i could write

1 - 10 of 10