The Mistress entraps Me,
Caged within her allurement hands,
Velvet Locks drape around my chamber,
magic swirling in all her strands,
My Tears are ashen,condensing in air.
Polluting the Atmosphere,
With the Wingspan of my affliction,
Her Plump lips, so bitter, cold as ice,
This Cage so keen with My addiction,
The Purple in my Vibrant Wings so brittle,
That red hair like silken Scarlet Ropes,
Those Soft hands that hypnotize me,
Much like [me] the puppet and her my mistress,
Her beauty poisons so I can't flee
I'm held prisoner to her icy remote stare,
The world will rid me one day of this lady,
And that day I shall be vibrant and free,
Sick of all this seductress, She's Shady,
Ultra Violet Butterfly, i will be Free...
Author notes
picture credit:Cadence_of_her_Last_Breath_by_FrozenMelody.jpg
-under 20 lines
-gritty
-dark
-raw
-full of imagery
-WILL HIT ME LIKE A PUNCH IN THE FACE !
after the poem: i loved the picture,
once i set my mind to it i really manage to move myself,
and create this, i worked rather hard on it, getting
the imagery and all of its context and depth,
if you don't think the poem intertwines with the picture,
then look deeper because it has a deeper meaning,
one thats hidden bwteen the lines its very personal to me,
and the way i took the prompt is as this:
i imagined the butterfly as being bewitched by the woman,
and the woman caging the butterfly in a trance,
and using the butterfly, and the woman as her mistress[the butterfly as a re-enactment of myself and being used and bewitched by lies by other people]
hope the poem does the wonderful prompt justice,
Lost Vampyre Angel
A contest entry
- Not For The Weak III by Immortal Obscurity.
1750 points, ended July 4, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything! by Lady Michaella.
600 points, ended July 13, 2008, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Need Favorites ^___^ by edit my world..
555 points, ended September 3, 2008, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I worked hard on this!
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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This picture is amazing.
But your words, more so.
The way in which you weave your words, the images that you create through extensive vocabulary.
Using velvet ropes for strands of hair is brilliant.
I loved the ashen tears, for it will fade and the colour will no longer remain, now that the wings have been touched.
Sometimes... I think that it is just like us
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I love the picture!! Its like saying "Your so condensending" This was a great write!!! I think we all feel like caged butterflies at the hand of our Mistress and sedutress. But we all break free. Great job!
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I love where you took the picture prompt....you didn't just scratch the surface, you dove right in.....as a previous comment points out as well, I really loved the 2nd stanza.....I was a little confused as to the random capitalizations but other than that I really enjoyed this piece...you have a wealth of talent =)
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Wow i lovers this alot. My favorite part was when you said "Polluting the Atmosphere,
With the Wingspan of my affliction,
Her Plump lips, so bitter, cold as ice,
This Cage so keen with My addiction,
The Purple in my Vibrant Wings so brittle," Good job You will always rock!
..<3..
Shelly -
hmm welly well well...
this is pretty...and the picture flows so well with it...
please put ur AP Name ^___^
thanks for entering
Dani♥ -
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added
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Wonderful dark poem indeed..I enjoyed your wording and imagery in this piece..excellent talent..God bless!
Ruby
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BRAVO! BRAVO!
Is this a wonderfully written poem or what!
What a feast to enjoy!
BRAVO! BRAVO!
You have written a lovely dark masterpiece!
well done!
we humbly bow and recognize your artistry!
ears/Seattle
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Thanks for entering! Now thius is an amazing poem. Thanks for enterng.
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This seems to be a metaphor of innocence betrayed.
This poem is written from the point of view of a butterfly who in its innocence was lured into the hands of one who used her attractions to gain control. I've stood in a meadow with palms extended. The butterflies I chased and could not catch came to me - for whatever reason may move a butterfly. In my palm they were in my power. My interest was only communion, not control, so I did not try to hold or crush them. But how tragic for the butterfly if my interest was not so benign.
The mention of addiction might narrow the focus of the innocence betrayed theme, but this makes more vivid the sense of impending doom should the butterfly not escape the cage with velvet bars. Addictions - to bad relationships, substance abuse, or self-indulgence - would have no power to hold us against our will if they did not also entice our will. While most of our addictions are not life threatening and only mildly disrupt the positive aspects of life, this poem is spoken from a place from which the person must gain freedom or die.
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thank you, thats the impression i wanted to give in this piece,
thank you for commenting hun i honour it alot
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oh i really like this. its been a while since ive been on the group page, icant believe what ive been missing. i love your descriptions. excellent job.
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Potent Poetry,
Enjoyed the wording within this piece my friend,
you sure have the gift of poetic expression.
Thanks for sharing, and congrates on the HM as well.
-Timothy
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Very good write. A dark mysterious feel pulling the reader in
"magic swirling in all her strands," and "This Cage so keen with My addiction" so gave me an great image to paint. Every line holds great images
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WOW I loved this it's amazing Imagery greaqt work all my love your Schizo Angel Lover xxx
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"Polluting the Atmosphere,
With the Wingspan of my affliction,"
That line hit me really hard in the gut, it means more to me than you could possibly know really. Thank you for writing this, the piece as a whole is brilliant.
-Rodwen
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This is so deep and absolutely beautiful! Absolutely fantastic! WOw!!! I cant even bring descriptions forth such is it - beautiful work...
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this is a hard hitting write hun and I love the power within it. you always speak with a lot of emotion and your words capture me. you know I am always here for you. love you xx
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please, wouldnt you allow me to be your butterfly, for im already held prisoner by your captivating beauty.
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Well done. It held power, emotion. I couldn't stop reading it. I shall read more of your poetry sister. Keep up the excellent writing
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You did such a wonderful job hun.. I'm so happy that your muse is back!
I really loved this.. You did so great.. Congrats on the HM!!!
Angel
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worthy
..... and i saw a flower wilting in the sun....
powerful lil write you have .. to match that powerful poet soul ...
you! ....
uyoure good you
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this is a beautiful and nice piece and i love the sense of freedom in this and i also love the pic that you chose to use with it. Thanks for sharing and this truely deserved an HM and more
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being free is all the really counts, nice work I like it
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wonderfully writin great piece of work.
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Congrats on the HM!
Wow this is beautiful hunni, you have done an excellent job. The imagery is stunning! I love how you took the picture, you have done it much justice. Congrats on the HM
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This is a beautiful picture, and you have indeed done it justice. Aside from a few minor grammatical errors, there is such beauty, such sinister tenderness to this, and I'm glad to say that you will be in the finals. Well done, and thanks for entering.
Laura
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I love it, beautiful writing as always, i could feel the connection with your picture and the words evoking the emotion.
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good job. the only problem I have is with the text. I had to hi-lite in order to read it. Something lighter perhaps?
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And you should be proud.
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this is gorgeous love!
I love the imagery :hearts;
stunning choice of words.
I love you!
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This is...intoxicating! (in a good way!) This piece is, in a way, soft like velvet but dark as the midnight sky. I loved the fact that this is something that the author made connections to, which makes the piece even more interesting and meaningful to read. Your efforts on this particular piece shows can really payed off and I hope that the judge will realise that too! Best of luck in the contest!
With all my love,
~Faithful-Star
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Here is your prompt:
http://frozenmelody.deviantart.com/art/Cadence-of-her-Last-Breath-87546116
I'm closing the contest tonight, so please finish before 11:00 EST.
Good luck! -
hi...
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hi...
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Let me know when its up hunni
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