emancipation
look me in the eyes
when I'm talking,
I know its hard
to avoid the scar on my forehead
but that was months ago.
just think of it as a flaw,
something that won't determine
how well I fuck
or what we could become.
I imagine us running through
the softest fields
down to the water's edge
where we would lay breathless
and sweaty and vulnerable,
like we were newborns
longing for connection
like milk
from the yolky breasts
of this premature relationship.
in your arms
I become liquid
trying to sneak into
your bloodstream,
en route to the brain
so we
can think even more
the same,
so much that it's ridiculous
and I'm sick of you
even when you're not around,
this is how badly I want
to love you
and feel your epic warmth
in return.
you know you are my sun
and I am just the
father
of bad decisions:
dead cars and a wired disease
leaving me
so depleted
that I can't recognize my own lies.
yeah, you could feast
on the mishappenings
of my life
but it won't help me forget
that recklessness
carved out most
of my being to this day.
there were bits of me left behind
roughly 19 years soggy,
womb-bound
in the nameless, faceless
organism that
birthed me
and subjected me
to this so called
life.
Author notes
let's just hope those pieces weren't vital.
A contest entry
- Welcome Home, Vaseline Carmichael by onerios13.
6500 points, ended July 27, 2008, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
critiques are always nice
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
this is poetry i love, i try to write like this the best i can. maybe you did, but dont get like you re wrote this 6 times and filled it up with a bunch of fucking synonyms no one ever uses and you didnt try to shove up a methaphore in every line's face. it just sounds like you wrote it, it came out of your heart, and thats what it is. plus it sounds angry, i like angry i like you
-
hot damn. This gave me shivers. Best friend; I'm so proud of you, and would really like to give you hug, and then go sit outside on the curb and drink coffee with you, and say absolutely nothing
.
love you more than fashion (and that's saying something
)
Meghie
-
This voice. I would know it in the darkest pits of hell for it sings with such power, such emotional depth that anything else could not possible define it less than brilliant and the emergence of a genius pen at work.
You shouldn't have entered...but hey, this is exactly what I wanted so the rest of the world can take their opinions and go to hell.
-
this is the best haha
-
-
ooooooieeee!
-
-
yummy
-
im here with you.
-
this is excellent... i can feel the passion in your words, very well done. i wonder if the poem should stop before the last stanza though, i felt like it shifted there and took me somewhere else... (maybe that was your intent).
great write,
~ wendy
-
the title is PERFECT. and i like that you described your mother as a "nameless, faceless organism." love the piece, of course, thanks for entering my contest, really. sorry i haven't had much to say critique wise lately. it's not that i'm not trying to find flaws.
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
