Shes the scar upon my heart
Shes the one my poem is for
Here we go, My heart
My heart aches
For without you it isn't whole
Without you I know
Not where to go
My heart is hungry
It needs your love
Please dont let my heart starve
It will surely darken and feel no more
My heart desires
Only you
And Only you
Can make this desire come true
My heart is left with a scar
Until you Nurish it with your love
My heart will never be the same
For Only you can make it whole again
You my Hearts I do
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Really good
I can definitely understand what's being said here. I like it, the flows a little jumpy, but still runs more smoothly than not. You could do without the continuous *My heart*, too much and it's repetitive.
Still, I really like it.
It's effective and shows a lot of feeling.
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:))))
touching! i felt your words ...nice
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GREAT!
I really like this poem. It shows how you truly feel about this girl. I feel like my x feels this way about me and sadly I just have to tell him to move on. -
hmmm... just a guess... but have you been worried that i might not like this poem or something? just a total guess... i mean, from the below comments... and you dont need to be worried, cuz i love this poem, i really do... love you
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I like your opening line (though it is the opening line of another poem by Vera Brittain about the loss of her brother in WW1) and the sentiment behind all of this is commendable and I'm sure no one could fail to be impressed by the honesty and opennes behind it. On a more technical level,you may want to address some of the grammar errors - nourish not nurish - don't has an apostrophe- and you may want to think about working on your use of metaphor. The final line reads a little awkwardly - not too sure what you're getting at there mainly because the syntax is mixed up. Overall though, this has the potential to be a highly effective write, I'd like to see this worked on. Good on you for being so honest in your feelings. Keep writing and thanks for sharing.
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Don't Worry
If you truly wrote it yourself and just for her there is no doubt in my mind that she wouldn't love it no matter how corny, bad, etc. it is.
On the plus side of things it really isn't that bad.
It needs some editing. Shes has an apostrophe.
The first stanza I don't like too much. It's kinda kiddish.
This one stanza pulls it all together and holds the true meaning of how you feel:
My heart is hungry
It needs your love
Please dont let my heart starve
It will surely darken and feel no more
--the rest is pretty good--
the next hardest part is giving it to her
Don't be shy! -
...the first line contrasts
against the rest of the piece...
or is it just me?
this is a sweet poem that
could use a little editing.
the second line is confusing.
is it, you, my heart, i do?
as if "i do take you to be mine?"
or...???
"nurish" is >>"nourish"
other than that, it's...sweet,
not the word i want, but the only
one i can think of. still, although
i'm positive she will love it
(is she appreciates poetry) and
will be able to see you mean it,
and she means alot to you.
ADORABLE! -
awww...... i really loved that!!!! it was so sweet. but if ur giving it to a crush, itll creep them out, but if dating/married or in love or wutev, shell love it!! if someone gave me a poem like that i would be happy for a lifetime!!! thats really sweet
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Wow! I love this it has such emotion and the way it all together sounds is really amazing I love these lines:
My heart is hungry
It needs your love
It will surely darken and feel no more
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i like it... this is really good.
My heart aches
For without you it isn't whole
Without you I know
Not where to go
i like this stanza... you can really see love here. i love you.
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