Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

A Slight Summer Song

Missing image

 




 

 

A stuttered fluttering

of color

caresses my eyes with chaos,


fevering my music

replete with vanity

too vivacious


for the shaking

of breaking breath.

We create these stormwaters

we tread with delicate dread

unbecoming ~

we destroy the dance

with our stilted steps

unshuttered by sunlight.

Tomorrow will not survive,

arriving upon silken wings

as we had planned;

all we ever really know

for certain

are these curtained moments of silences

shivering between each pause...

Author notes








Graphic artist unknown



contest quotation prompt:
"(cicada's danced blue charades)"


I'm in the midst of moving right now.
Will be back as soon as I can get my internet going again.

Take care of you until then.




In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 31 of 31

  • CarolDesjarlais silver member
    July 15

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow "We create these stormwaters

    we tread with delicate dread

    unbecoming ~

    we destroy the dance

    with our stilted steps

    unshuttered by sunlight.

    " and "all we ever really know

    for certain

    are these curtained moments of silences

    shivering between each pause...

    "

    oh wow, wow, wo girlfriend...deep and pwoerful


  • Libralight
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    Love the first three lines and the follow-through.
    Now, vivacious vanity is a teensy stretch for me. And I’m not sure what breaking breath is, unless it’s a bunch of hollering. Anyway, the vanity is too vivacious for it. Huh?
    We do, indeed create such stormwaters

    The "Tomorrow will not survive,
    arriving upon silken wings
    as we had planned;" is very cool
    I think “these” (in the second to last line) should be left out because the first part indicates all the chaos, so I have to think, how did we get from chaos to silence in one breath?

  • DeGraw
    July 9
    Edit | Reply

    Fleeting!

    As the poem inspires one to think...
    Great write!
    Regards,
    Degraw


  • NurseyPoo
    July 9

    Edit | Reply

    Nicely done

    I enjoyed this write.
    we destroy the dance
    with our stilted steps
    unshuttered by sunlight.
    Amazing beauty

    . Rewarded 4

  • atty-poet
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    lovely language working the internal rhyme sounds, assonance, very well. Love the use of "fevering" as a verb. Well done.

  • JezIsaRos
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    I'm not sure what to make of this poem...that, I think, is it's beauty, to me...it has a certain flow, a certain calm and rippling quality...a joy to reread twice, thrice, and so on...enigmatic, I think...wondrous, especially with that picture.


  • Xx Alice xX
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    A lovely poem to be read slowly aloud. It is soothing. I seem to find an odd comfort in not knowing. Maybe it's because I know no one knows. I love the reveal.

  • lianonsidhe
    July 9

    Edit | Reply
    Hi
    Fantastic wordsmith work!
    Loved the lines:
    'We create these stormwaters

    we tread with delicate dread

    unbecoming ~'
    We are often our own worst enemies and create our own problems. I also loved:
    'these curtained moments of silences

    shivering between each pause...'
    Imagery at its best! Magic.

    . Rewarded 6

  • Eusebius
    July 9

    Edit | Reply

    bravo

    "all we ever really know
    for certain
    are these curtained moments of silences
    shivering between each pause..."

    wonderful... bravo... bravo... bravo...

  • Just4u
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    Talk requires interpretation, however
    When "in tune", silence requires nothing
    for all is felt as it should be.

    There can be no lies within "pure" silence
    only through talk, whether verbalized
    or internalized, as in when one consciously
    seeks to withhold from saying something to decieve
    the other person or avoid getting caught at something.


    feeling fluttered as butterflies
    each beat speaking, all that need be said...

    Have a lovely week my friend...

    Hugs...Eddy


  • PageTurner
    July 7

    Edit | Reply


    You... take care of you.



    The Poem... Beautiful & SorrowFul
    as only you can do!


    ~ Nicky♥


  • Potato
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    Last stanza is amazing. "curtained moments of silences" is such a strong image, I love it!
    Over all amazing flow, image, vocab. Great job
  • oldpoets
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    Different. the difference makes this a bit confusing. This indeed is avery good write, Good luck in the contest.

    . Rewarded 4


  • eternal-devotion
    July 5

    Edit | Reply

    Unusual

    This is not what I thought it would be. I can't say that I understand it all that much but it has a certain delicateness about it, in the way it is laid out. Good luck in the contest.

    . Rewarded 4

  • Buchan
    July 5

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Your talent goes on,as always they are excellent. Take care Dear Lady , keep your writing bright ,it is always good to read... from an old friend.

    . Rewarded 4


  • Titus gold member
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    a sequel of curtain calls here, in reading and remembering vital lines, that reel off the tongue, lovely melody, this, and I loved,
    "fevering my music
    replete with vanity too vivacious
    for the shaking of breaking breath."

    . Rewarded 4


  • crimson-river
    July 5
    Edit | Reply

    It's Weird

    Kind of all over the place for me.
    It wasn't anything spectacular for me to read.
    With the title I thought it would be something else.

    My favorite part was:

    curtained moments of silences
    shivering between each pause
    ---also---
    destroy the dance
    with our stilted steps
    unshuttered by sunlight.

    and the stormwater incorporation...

    . Rewarded 6


  • pastiche
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    Your elegant alliteration overwhelms the eye and ear... As ever, you bring your trademark beauty to the poem - it flows so richly off the tongue when read aloud...

    Everyone finds a chord, a phrase:
    "all we ever really know
    for certain
    are these curtained moments of silences" really sings for me...

    Lovely imaged poem.
    Best of luck in the contest!

    . Rewarded 6


  • Loveandblessings2u gold member
    July 4

    Edit | Reply
    WoW this is absolutely incredible.
    You have an magical way with words.
    I fill in love with this piece after
    read your first few lines.
    The whole poem is very beautiful and so touching.

    Loveandblessings2u & yours always
    Joyce

    . Rewarded 4


  • BhajGovindam silver member
    July 4

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is absolutely wonderful. your words captivated my soul and mind both. the image reflects the beauty of your verse very well.. thanks for sharing.
    good wishes
    -Neha

    . Rewarded 4


  • Candy6
    July 4
    Edit | Reply
    Interesting. Good write.

  • kaibab silver member
    July 4

    Edit | Reply
    I love those moments when silence speak in every tongue as gathered echo come home to hold me...lovely scribe...and lonely as well


  • Rovingone gold member
    July 4

    Edit | Reply
    stuttered, fluttering of color caresses my eyes with color,

    curtained moments of silence,
    shivering between each pause.

    What beautiful words. The best lines at the beginning and the end. This poem is as soothing as warm milk and honey.. Glad to see you're back!

  • michael thomas
    July 4
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful

  • Bad Bill
    July 4

    Edit | Reply
    A subtle, delicate and beautiful piece of poetry which works on various levels and is a delight to read.

    Bill


  • pania gold member
    July 4

    Edit | Reply
    Stunning. From the wonderfully rich first stanza through the intricate movements of dance to the /curtained moments of silence/, you captured me and took me dancing with your words. Sadness, especially in /we destroy the dance with our stilted steps/ but an inevitability and acceptance makes this a paean to renewal.


  • Jonathan ROBIN gold member
    July 4

    Edit | Reply

    Out of Darkness Light

    all we ever really know
    for certain
    are these curtained moments of silences
    shivering between each pause...


    ... and yet the author recently proclaimed
    Out of Darkness Light...

    hopefully the movement of the removal will itself remove fears engendered by the move to create a moving momentum of renewed confindece


  • Nicolette gold member
    July 4

    Edit | Reply
    "we destroy the dance
    with our stilted steps
    unshuttered by sunlight."

    Yes, so often we destroy the beautiful, knowingly, and that is perhaps the saddest of all. The colour of this page is perfect for the poem... blue, everything is blue. But still so beautifully written. You take gentle care, my friend.



    ~ Nicolette


  • klassy lassy
    July 3

    Edit | Reply
    "curtained moments of silence shivering..." and then is ushered in a new act.

    You describe my feeling of this moment "shaking in breaking breath." I can't tell if it's earth trembling, the sea rising, or a thunderstorm which comes just before the rain. For all that, when it clears again, the air is sweet, and I am still here in a heart beat.

    How loud the silences when blue is breaking, before and after....

    ~K


  • Cannonsfire silver member
    July 3

    Edit | Reply
    Just knew it would sing like this C

1 - 31 of 31