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the hunt

Missing image

 

 

                 Hair-prickling  grace

                     fledged seraphic form

 

         Pulsing aura

    snapped

    rotten leaves into negatives,

      agitating settled slumber...

 

 

 

                                       

 

 

 

 

                                              ...as her hunt began-

 

in the troths of twilight. 

 

 

    Silence whispered

 its chorus through

  sturdy pine           

            -split air with ghostly crescendo;

               gave bark goosebumps

 

Footsteps fell, unheard

 

Shadows shivered violently,

  scurried up trees

  

 Afraid to be stepped on

   -obliterated

       by death’s footprint

 

 

     Final judgment

   moved across the wood,

     traveled past graves

       of decayed souls;

 

Leeching life from their carbon echoes  

 

 

 

       Eyes lace atmosphere with apathy,

   pierce a forward course

toward the damned;

 

 Lecherous hearts

   drowning in salacious flesh 

     will receive what they desire

          tonight;


 

      ~the reaper’s biting kiss

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

this sucks.

In a list

A contest entry

constructive comments are much obliged!!!

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 11 of 11
  • SWEET! "Troths of twilight" I nearly org...well, I really liked that line! This whole piece was simply fantastic, however. You bring a powerful life to your works that may poets try and fail to do. YOU ARE GREAT and this piece is no exception. Amazing work!


  • notorious silver member
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    Holy shit! This is fantastic!!

    What is there to say except WOW? (Actually, there is a lot to say. )

    "Hair-prickling grace
    fledged seraphic form"
    Love 'hair-prickling'...(and also the hyphen you incorporated). 'Seraphic' is a groovy word, and it fits the picture(s). However, there appears to be 2 spaces after 'prickling'...I'm pretty sure that wasn't on purpose. It looks uneven.

    "rotten leaves into negatives,
    agitating settled slumber..."
    Oh wow!! Great imagery and "rotten leaves" is just...amazing. "settled slumber" is a clever almost-alliterative phrase...love it.

    "in the troths of twilight"
    Nicely done...but, you don't really need a 'the' here, do you? It feels a little unneeded.

    Oh yeah, and silence having its own chorus? Just...FABULOUS!!

    "-split air with ghostly crescendo;
    gave bark goosebumps"
    You and your music!! LoL, kick-ass 2 lines here...I can see why bark got goosebumps...from your groovy words!!

    "carbon echoes ..."
    Okay...you used the ellipsis (...) with a space PRECEDING it (which is what you're "supposed" to do). The rest of your ellipses are not formatted like this...It should be consistent. (:

    "Eyes lace atmosphere with apathy,"
    It's no longer in the past tense. I'm pretty sure that's intentional. Anyways, 'atmosphere with apathy'=BITCHIN' IN MY KITCHEN!!! Great!

    "salacious flesh"
    Great vocabulary...Jesus woman...'salacious' =D Rhymes with delicious...

    "the reaper's biting kiss"
    Oooh, love this ending!! It's so...biting. =D LoL, I love this piece...good luck Roo!!

  • Awesomeness

    cept one tiny thing....you know I can't help it lol....the last line is too short..just by a bit..not much...i keep trying to think of a suggestion..i keep getting poisonious..which I think is wrong lol...

    it just needs something more..but that is my opinion..that you cn ignore of course

    this flowed through so well..you used both pictures so very well..and I would have been happy to have kept reading more and more of this poem ...so you really had me!


    Thank you and good luck darl



    Cind

  • well you are so very good at darl..so here you go

    http://photobucket.com/image/dark/GrimReaper-666/dark.jpg?o=29

    or a second option -

    http://photobucket.com/image/dark/rosapat/mars12.jpg?o=72

    you can use just one..or you welcome to use both..whatever inspires hehehe...just post with poem or link in an's etc

    Good luck


    Cind
1 - 11 of 11