you stare from a far
into the crowded streets
off twinkling lights
misunderstood stranger
some greedy
other generous
potential life savours
walking five dollar bills
some smile
others laugh
human punching bag
at the end of the night they forget
but you can't
your life was once similar
a family
friends
lover
big-shot
a drastic change
booze
drugs
fired
divorced
debt
in denial
continue to sit with your hand out
counting spare change
in your cardboard box
just trying to live
as if someone actually cared
Author notes
You're no good for me;; but you're the only one I see
A contest entry
- A M B Titles Contest [Round #1] by innocence jaded.xx.
600 points, ended July 18, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites by Melissa Gayle.
450 points, ended July 16, 2008, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
do you understand the concept...did you like it?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
you are a bad speller! But that poem was still great : ) Really really good.
-
-
um thanks and yeah unfortunately I am
could you point out the spelling mistakes
-
-
sounds like you wrote that about me lol but i dont have my hand out . relly great work
-
I know many homeless people and some of them are that way because they're appauled at society; they can't fit into it and don't want to because it's so alien to them. To me too.
Others are there because they're forced there through poverty or whatever.
Whatever the reason they're all more deeply feeling people than most of the ones I've met who are used to security.
I'm glad you tackled this difficult subject.
Peace Georgia
-
-
I think thats why I'm proud of this write
Its not something people like to talk about.
non the less its still very important
-
-
so much care for the human being in this poem that i just needed to say well done for bringing the tramp to life he who sits in his cardboard box has always a story to tell and if we all take that time out to listen we will all find out nobody wants this
-
People in general would like to deny ever facing the entire circle you've shown, yet it is a very real issue...
i love the way you listed the items... booze, drugs, fired, etc.... for without enduring some of these, we can not truely say we have appreciation for life...!
superb! and very thought provoking....
becca
-
-
I think list poems are a lost style now a days. People don't realize its charm
that is why I mix up my styles with list poems.
I always think as I pass a stranger bagger on a street corner.
what they must have endured to get ware they are now.
I wish I could take it away you know.
well thank love for the comments
I'm glad you liked it.
-
-
The repetition of 'some' in the beginning seems unneeded to me -
'a family
friends
lover
big-shot
a drastic change
booze
drugs
fired
divorced
debt
in denial'
That section just reads like a list to me, and it is a shame because your beginning really is excellent as well as your ending - really great.
Your words are simple but you still use imagery and the emotion carries beautifully. All in all this is a great piece (list aside) and it makes me want to read more of you -
-
i like the fact you are very honest
we learn from honesty
i see what you mean now
but i tend to mixt list poems and free verse alot
its just a style i have come to love
-
-
ya this one was so much fun to write...haha i sat down and was like ummmmmm oh got an idea...boooom the flow comes...but you know how that is cause you write amazingly....its all about passion of writing and the flow
-
Hm, how did I know this was going to be an incredible poem ;] Pretty much amazing, and I loved how you used to title and made something so captivating like this. Your formatting of this was excellent;; very creative.
I don't even think I can pick out my favorite lines, because I loved the whole damn thing
Thanks for enteringgg & best of luck !! ♥
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
