In your dreams I'll be there
to take care of....you
We'll travel far and wide
I'll be right by your side
We'll dash through streams
I'll dance on moon beams
.......for..you.......
In your dreams I'll be there
to take care of your every need
We'll see our favorite star
I'll not be very far
We'll stand as one
I'll be a shining sun
........for..you.......
In your dreams I'll be there
to take care of your desire
We'll forever be connected
I'll be more then what you expected
We'll go where no one has before
I'll be there to adore
.......for..you........
In your dreams I'll be there
to take care of...you
We'll speed past time
I'll be that lucky dime
We'll chase romance
I'll take that one last chance
.......for..us.....
In your dreams I'll be there
to take care of...us
I'll be there...I'll be there...I'll be there.. for...you and me!
A contest entry
- Show me how much you love... by MALikiethelastONE.
1000 points, ends October 22, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Excellent
I really like this one, partially because your title reminded me of an old song, here's the Wikipedia article on: "I'll Be There". You might have heard of it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I'll_Be_There -
I like it as lyrics but i don't think it would work as just a poem because the repetition is a bit too much. I like the idea behind it but I think you should have worried less about rhyming because i think different word choices would have given this poem more emotion.
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These are lyrics. So they are deeply dependent on the music. I can see the first and last verse being repeated after a tight chiming bridge. Of course I like lyrical styles (no surprise after reading my poetry) and this has a delightfully airy sense of innocence about it. Like I said, "In the end it all depends on the composition of the music.
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since these are lyrics, the repetition is fine.
but I think more should be added. i can sorta get a rhythm going, so keep up the good work and it should be fine.
God bless,
ZeInkslinger
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what takes away from this piece is the constant repetition. i like the concept though
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I realy like this, nice work and thank you for entering
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