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Starbucks


 
 
Legs crossed,
she quietly sipped
froth from
tongue-blistering
latte
 
Royal blue lenses
wandered,
carefully panning
various tables
recording gestures

Twenty-five
different stories
play out amidst 
cocoa bean-stained
atmosphere
 
Shy lovers whisper close
noses kissing, over
circular divides
 
Tanned hand tosses
raven tresses,
falling like petals,
framing delicate
features, preening  
 
Business suit
conferences
in corner:
lips speak to PDA,
eyes serpent-wrap
around
the dark haired girl,
greedily 
 
Headphones
blanket chatter
drifting along
scent of
scorched milk,
 
create soundproof
fissures between
adjacent bodies

 
Action scenes
roll, confidently,
on reeled continuum
 
(No need for multiple takes)
 
Tossing
finished coffee
into trash can
she wondered,
bitterly,
why she'd
weakly gasp
 
    cut
 
 
 
 
 

Author notes

~~~~Sailor Ptolema~~~~~


Ya, this is weird....what i observed while at Starbucks, actually.


Option 2: Word Bank

Ah, always one of my favorites!
Use all 5 words. Derivatives ARE welcomed, so don't ask me later! Italicizing/bolding would be appreciated but not necessary.

serpent
fissure
record
continuum
petal

In a list

A contest entry

constructive comments are much obliged!!!

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 36 of 36

  • Luckintheshadows
    July 10

    Edit | Reply
    I love the atmosphere this poem creates for me. I've never been to Starbucks (we don't have them here in SA), so this really brings it to life for me. Each stanza creates a different scene....extremely well written.

    Thank you for sharing this, and for taking the time to enter my contest,

    Luck.

  • JandAK
    July 6

    Edit | Reply

    Fabulous

    You really captured the atmosphere here. Love how you used the words too. Congrats on that silver!


  • pattyann4500
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    Good use of your words. I like this very much. Odd things we can see at a coffee shoppe when we sit and watch life as it goes on. Good job. Patricia


  • KayJay46 gold member
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    No need for my opinion... Silver isn't too shabby (LOL) but for what it's worth, this was wonderful in it's detail, the way it captures the feel of the place, this is poetry...
    Ken


  • Quill
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    I find myself in agreement with everyone else,a wonderful montage of scenes to be found in any Starbucks,great imagery shown with ease,I'm trying to get to grips with writes that are out of my comfort zone,and this is a fine example of what can be enjoyed when one broadens their horizons.


    • Sailor Ptolema silver member
      July 5
      Edit | Reply
      aww thank you!!!!! ....all it takes is a corner table at a coffee shop, and a nice hot cup of coffee to sip...that's how this happened.
  • LimelightLiason
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    i dont really have anything to criticize about this write. the one thing that really made this poem stand out to me wasn't the title, it was how the story played out. it seems as if it is part of a movie script or something of that nature. i know it would be a great scene for a play. i really enjoyed reading this.
    Rob

  • Rovingone gold member
    July 4

    Edit | Reply
    Hey, that's just a great description of any coffee house. You could have been at Powell's books in Portland, in Annes Coffee shop. Totally believable replay of the scene. Excellent.

  • Shifting
    July 4
    Edit | Reply
    so so beautiful, intense and so many amazing words! I love it.
    Amazing!

  • sheltered
    July 4

    Edit | Reply
    This is awesome.
    Not hard to give an honest comment here.
    Wow!

    I love how it all takes place
    in the matter of seconds
    yet is so detailed

    excellent imagery

  • filthycommie
    July 4
    Edit | Reply

    Fantastic

    I like this, its true to the coffee shop experience.


  • paulcreates silver member
    July 4

    Edit | Reply
    Now, I'm starting to question your age. This is a very mature and sophisticated write. You DO have a penchant for every delicious slice of life. Nicely done, no, very nice.

    Paul


    • Sailor Ptolema silver member
      July 4
      Edit | Reply
      hahahaha
      thank you
      I am 19

      I truly appreciate you reading and leaving such a lovely comment!!!

  • Jaden silver member
    July 4

    Edit | Reply
    Actually, this is well-written. I'm not a fan of word banks though. Might as well ask the writer to turn around so you can cuff them behind their back, and then ask them paint an intricate composition. But, that's only my opinion.

    The poem itself . . . this stanza spoke to me.

    Business suit
    conferences
    in corner:
    lips speak to PDA,
    eyes serpent-wrap
    around
    the dark haired girl,
    greedily


    Yeah, it's all about . . . what's a good word?

    Externalality?

    • Sailor Ptolema silver member
      July 4
      Edit | Reply
      thanks for reading!!!!
      glad you liked it...this was written not really for the contest...but I'd used some of the words, and decided to use the rest.
      but I do agree, word banks are restrictive many times

  • GreenHrtPaleMoon gold member
    July 4

    Edit | Reply
    LOVE the third stanza. An excellent observation paired with a brilliant poetic phrasing. I liked that you gave life to her glasses instead of using her eyes. And I have to say this is REALLY impressive for a word bank poem. (Double takes) *Grins* I loved this piece completely.


  • Polaja
    July 3

    Edit | Reply
    This is a fascinating poem - I have to say that we don't actually have a Starbucks around here - but a similar effect can be found in many places you have described this wonderfully - I can't tell you how much I like this poem and I even found something to critique - I think that since the poem is in the present tense, it seems odd that you have 'lips spoke' in the past tense... but that might just be me! I would never have guessed this was from a word bank - good luck in the contest!

    Keep writing

    Polly


  • notorious silver member
    July 3

    Edit | Reply
    It's infinitely better now with edits...(:
    Nice job here...has more power, more punch, more..violence..haha.

  • notorious silver member
    July 3
    Edit | Reply
    Totally weird and offbeat..love the phrase "serpent-wrapped"!!

    You describe drinking at Starbucks, but this poem is much more than that...you explore the character so well and leave intrigue at the same time.

    There should be a hyphen (-) in between 'twenty' and 'five.

    Thanks for entering this!! (: Or rather, thanks for entering at my request...heh.
1 - 36 of 36