Now there's alot of fakers who think they really know,
But until you have been through it fully you can never show,
For me it started when I was just 7 years old,
A child afraid of what was happening but I never told,
See I was introduced to the worst thing of them all,
Heroin injected by a mother who said she loved me and stood tall,
This is were it all started the crime and the spree,
For the next ten years I never thought it could be,
I started in on something new for relief of my pain,
Something that would get me high and release all of my shame,
I did alot that i'm not proud of and it's killed the inner soul,
Now i'm trying to learn what I can to become completely whole,
I've been down the road a time or two selling my body for my drugs,
I have been raped and beaten to many times and even envisioned bugs,
It may not make sense to those who will never know,
It takes away what's precious to you and everything you bestow,
As a drug addicted mom I tried real hard and failed,
Relapse after relapse I ended up caged and jailed,
I lost my first two kids to the judge deciding my fate,
I sat in jail trying to forgive myself and the feelings of utter hate,
I then became a mom again in treatment my first time,
Trying to take care of what I had left behind,
I worked really hard to release the pain of what i had endured,
They said they could help me to this I trusted their every word,
They finally decided I was well enough to go home,
But kicked out of the only place I had the streets I started to roam,
I ran into an old friend that use to get me high,
He asked if i had money, drugs was what he wanted to buy,
We went to our dealer my defeat was surly doomed,
I had relapsed after one year by all the drugs I had consumed,
Once again i had messed up and lost my child,
My addiction at full blast again my mind was running wild,
I tried to go to meetings like they had always said,
But I was always to high to stay without the drugs I felt dead,
I finally went to treatment again to find what i had missed,
Boy was i in for a shock detox truly made me pissed,
I tossed and turned the first three weeks removing this poison from my blood,
The feeling was overwhelming and taking me over like a flood,
I finally decided to take all of this recovery in,
Then the next thing i know i was pregnant once again,
I gave this baby the best chance i could and stayed clean,
Then twenty-two hours later They came for her like nothing else foreseen,
I cried and died at the same time as they ripped her from my arms,
Saying i was not suited enough to be a mom and that they said i would bring her harms,
This was all to much to me with only 9 months clean,
No one was there to even care or give comfort and let me lean,
I left the hospital by myself and went straight to his house,
Entering my old time world like nothing else like he had become a spouse,
I then again entered to the world only i knew and i got high again,
Before i knew it the cops busted in and i was off to jail my chances growing thin,
I was gone away for a few more months no chance to see my kids,
The lawyers and judges trying to bide me time putting in there bids,
I finally got through the hardships of my life,
I am now a mother of five beautiful kids and I am a mans beloved wife,
I have been clean and sober now for just a few short months,
But i've learned adversity and gotten over my speed-bumps,
I am a standing member of narcotics anonymous and i listen with great intent,
And within these rooms i've learned that drugs was just a waist of time badly spent,
I can now endure the hardships with support and love,
And i hold a higher power beyond my knowledge and above,
My addiction taught me what I know and i plan to help more addicts,
I can now slow down and understand without all the pain that drugs inflicts.
A contest entry
- Coming Up For Air by annabel-lee.
900 points, ended July 10, 2008, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Convince Me to Stay on Allpoetry! by crosscountry07.
750 points, ended November 10, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Reliving the Past by Dead Lover.
700 points, ended November 30, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your most personal & meaningful poem from ( 2008 ) by justgot2loveme.
1500 points, ended December 11, 2008, 52 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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You have got to be kiddin me, please tell me this is just a poem and not a true story. OMG!!! I am finding this so hard to believe that a mother could do such a thing. If it is true then I am so very proud of you. You are so much stronger than even you know. Excellent writing.
Thanks for sharing and good luck.
Justgot2loveme
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You went through all of this? Oh my word...You're one strong woman! I'm glad you've become sober and want to help others! Thank you for entering my contest and good luck! It was a pleasure to read! -Liz
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WOW! This is amazing and you are amazing. You desribed the hell of active addiction so powerfully and realisticly. So glad you have embraced your higher power and NA. You go girl!
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Not sure why my review is not coming up in the Reading Room
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wow, you've definitely been through a lot and you should be proud that you didn't just give up. Addictions are hard and sometimes seem impossible to get through. It's so easy to relapse and getting clean isn't easy to do. Being in treatment centers and detox is definitely no fun. I think that was one of the worst times of my life. Anyways, congrats on getting sober and stay strong.
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Absolutely incredible write ~
You are a very strong person.....your Kids are going to have the best Mother ever!
I found my Higher Power in AA & DA........the best programs ever developed!
My Sobriety date is Aug 25th 2003..........there is nothing better than sobriety.....NOTHING!
God bless you and thank you for sharing this........many people shall be blessed by your words ~
I hope you keep entering this into the Reading Room after it is cleared each month ~
This is a MUST read!
Bear ~
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Congratulations on the gold trophy. You have survived, and sharing your words I think is very therapeutic. I hope you are able to stay strong and I hope you someday get to have a relationship with your children.
♥
whisper
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i absolutely love this poem, it shows so much emotion so much pain such a wonderfully sad perspective. i give my heart out to you and offer congrats on how far you've come, keep it up, i have faith in you. <3
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Oh my heart goes out to you
Such a hard life I cry and feel if only you had been mine to love .I think what you have been through and how you have found your way and want to help others overcome this addiction is truly a wonderful thing . I know so many of those addicted today wasnt their own doing so many are from abuse and parents that have been addicted all their life . I cry today for their are many new families following the same footsteps and children being led down the same paths .
May I say to you I think the strength and the love you show today to help others is awesome and I pray each day you will be able to save others from the hell you have lived and survived .God Bless you and save you
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This is a fabulous write!!!
So inspiring...bless you so much for trying and trying again...if you ever need someone to talk to....I am here and will listen and talk back.lol.....I have been down a few of the same roads...although never lost my child
(I only have one) Five beautiful children!!!! Can you imagine .....your grand kids??? lol...I just became a grandma....anyway....I really am here...and thanks for sharing your heart and story....soooo well penned...so from the heart...Best wishes in the contest and life!!!
One of your lines stuck out...I am a standing member of narcotics anonymous and i listen with great intent,
Remember: INTENT is EVERYTHING....
Write on!!!
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OH sweetheart ... this is one of the hardest poems to read. It's so truthfull, you put yourself out there for us to learn of your hard life. I am here for you if ever you need to talk. I don't know what it's like personally to be addicted to drugs, but my mother was an addict, so I know what it's like to be the child of an addict. This write was so touching, and heart felt. You are an amazing person. I am so proud of you for being clean again. You can do it. I have faith in you. Congratulations on the marriage and getting your children back. Again, if at any time you need to talk, I am here.
Just a message away
Chantelle
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dude!
just
dude..
this struck a nerve deep inside, i havent been down the "h" road you have, im not sure if this is from the point of view of a persona or true life, but man, if it is true, kudos to you for owning up to yuor fuckups and stayin clean.
i have three babies, 3, 23 months and 1 1/2 months, and never again would i touch drugs, i was heavily dependant on marajuana, and its just as hard to kick as any drug.
ive been marajuana free for a little over 13 months.
BEST.THING.I.EVER.DID.WAS.GIVE.IT.UP.!.!.!.
if i could give you all the applauds there is possible I would, If i could shake your hand, I would.
fantastic work, and good luck in the contest
♥ Uni
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Wow, this is sad... I'm sory to hear you had to go through all of this, but I'm glad you chose to fight instead of giving up, when the latter seemed much easier. Well done, and best of luck in the contest!
Laura x
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