he said it would be
a quick, decisive matter
to sell my soul to christ
and stop the screeching
within my skull
kneeling in the aisle like
a leper, i conned him for some
measure of cracked sanity
spat lies through splintered teeth
and begged for the old
days of death-silence
when my chanting ended
i was alone
no one to speak with
no great miracles marked
with outstretched arms
and i fell back into the
charred planks on the floor
allowing my lonely sobs
to keep me company
Author notes
Not sure where the background comes from. If anyone knows, please tell me so I can properly give credit.
Option 5c, d, and e.
In a list
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
hm, the background reminds me of hellgate.
-
i like it
i really like this poem, your use of language is beautiful -
hmm. I like this. I like the bitter despair. And the void this person feels when he realizes the finality, that there will be no miracles. I think the reference to a leper, a taboo, is used quite excellent here, and doesn't overdo the religious undertones, or rather, basis of the poem.
-I do like you style. You do brevity well, and it's obvious, that a lot of thought occurs, before it's written down, as it's quite succinct.
I enjoyed this.
-joan.
.
-
Thanks for the entry. Punctuation was bit here & there but the overall feeling of the poem kinda ruled that out. My favorite line was:
no one to speak with
no great miracles marked
with outstretched arms
It was clever how you tied religion & god with the illness.
Great work! -
-
The punctuation is intentional; as I've told many others, I don't use end-line punctuation because a line break provides enough of a pause that commas, semi-colons, dashes, etc., simply aren't needed.
Thank you, though.
-
-
I understand about the end-line punctuation. I found this piece, haunting. Superb background too. Gives it a sort of desolate feel to the piece. Wonderful writing. Dark, foreboding and written very creatively indeed.
Good luck
Dark
Wishes
Wayne Leon
-
oh my lord.... this is great!
haunting...so haunting... you've taken an interesting approach..
"sell my soul to christ'>>> actually sounds foreboding
"chanting">>>sounds eerie,....makes me think of the Da Vinci Code...i don't know why..
interesting title as well,
quite...well ironic, is the only word i can think of...for the person in the poem, does not appear to be saved, sounds to me like they are wallowing in hell...
"and i fell back into the
charred planks on the floor
allowing my lonely sobs
to keep me company">>>>>>>>>>wow, LOVE this ending,
i can hear the lonely sobs echo in the church...so eerie, so...terribly sad.
~and your word go down smoothly...like honey
...that's the only word i could think of
you've create a wonderful piece for the poem, Wayne will really like this!
~all my best, Dark Knight
~
S.P. 
-
Great!
I really love the dark lonely feel this gives.
You captured the atmosphere to the tee!
Great entry my friend!
wolf
-
I don't have a problem with the punctuation and I like the poem.I could feel the loneliness of the soul.
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
