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he said it would be
a quick, decisive matter
to sell my soul to christ
and stop the screeching
within my skull

kneeling in the aisle like
a leper, i conned him for some
measure of cracked sanity
spat lies through splintered teeth
and begged for the old
days of death-silence

when my chanting ended
i was alone

no one to speak with
no great miracles marked
with outstretched arms

and i fell back into the
charred planks on the floor
allowing my lonely sobs
to keep me company













Author notes

Not sure where the background comes from. If anyone knows, please tell me so I can properly give credit.

Option 5c, d, and e.

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Joan-of-Arc gold member
    August 10

    Edit | Reply
    hmm. I like this. I like the bitter despair. And the void this person feels when he realizes the finality, that there will be no miracles. I think the reference to a leper, a taboo, is used quite excellent here, and doesn't overdo the religious undertones, or rather, basis of the poem.
    -I do like you style. You do brevity well, and it's obvious, that a lot of thought occurs, before it's written down, as it's quite succinct.
    I enjoyed this.

    -joan.

    .


  • Sorath
    July 28
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for the entry. Punctuation was bit here & there but the overall feeling of the poem kinda ruled that out. My favorite line was:
    no one to speak with
    no great miracles marked
    with outstretched arms
    It was clever how you tied religion & god with the illness.
    Great work!
    • The punctuation is intentional; as I've told many others, I don't use end-line punctuation because a line break provides enough of a pause that commas, semi-colons, dashes, etc., simply aren't needed.

      Thank you, though.
  • I understand about the end-line punctuation. I found this piece, haunting. Superb background too. Gives it a sort of desolate feel to the piece. Wonderful writing. Dark, foreboding and written very creatively indeed.

    Good luck
    Dark
    Wishes
    Wayne Leon

  • oh my lord.... this is great!

    haunting...so haunting... you've taken an interesting approach..

    "sell my soul to christ'>>> actually sounds foreboding

    "chanting">>>sounds eerie,....makes me think of the Da Vinci Code...i don't know why..

    interesting title as well, quite...well ironic, is the only word i can think of...for the person in the poem, does not appear to be saved, sounds to me like they are wallowing in hell...


    "and i fell back into the
    charred planks on the floor
    allowing my lonely sobs
    to keep me company">>>>>>>>>>wow, LOVE this ending,

    i can hear the lonely sobs echo in the church...so eerie, so...terribly sad.

    ~and your word go down smoothly...like honey ...that's the only word i could think of

    you've create a wonderful piece for the poem, Wayne will really like this!



    ~all my best, Dark Knight


    ~ S.P.

  • Great!

    I really love the dark lonely feel this gives.
    You captured the atmosphere to the tee!
    Great entry my friend!

    wolf


  • Gwenevere
    July 3

    Edit | Reply
    I don't have a problem with the punctuation and I like the poem.I could feel the loneliness of the soul.
1 - 7 of 7