b.r.o.k.e.n {dreams}
f
a
l
l
i
n
g
swiftly away from [reality]
drowning
in
the
ocean
I can(not) b.r.e.a.t.h.e again.
Lovely */eyes\* hold [s].[a].[d].[n].[e].[s].[s]
&& pain(ful-l), depression
*g*l*i*t*t*e*r*i*n*g stars {hold} up my (~life~).
good-bye
{disease}
h.e.l.l.o
b-e-a-uti(ful)
Author notes
fairy dust.
In a list
A contest entry
- Pretty Dirty by Darkwell.
550 points, ended November 22, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♫☺☻♪Dirty Pretty♪♥☻☺♫ by xVamPirexMusiCx.
500 points, ended June 29, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dirty Pretty by Diminished Capacity.
900 points, ended July 22, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - kkkkkkk k .*•.¸k Dirty k Pretty Poem k¸.•*.. k k k k kkkkkkkkk k by fairy princess k.
438 points, ended August 10, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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You definitely pulled this one off very nicely. It has inspired me quite a bit, and I thank you for that.
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Oooo! This is a pretty poem, yet it has a touch of something else, something unnamed
-
Ooh, this is good !
" good-bye
{disease}
h.e.l.l.o
b-e-a-uti(ful) "
Fav' bit
Howeveerrr; in my rules it has a rule about posting something in the author notes, so can you please go re-read these please?
Thank you for entering
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Wow this is different really good poam though. Thank you for sharing it was very much a great pleasure to read.
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GREAT JOB! I loved how you typed the words, like
f
a
l
l
i
n
g
Was literally falling.
my favorite part was
good-bye
{disease}
h.e.l.l.o
b-e-a-uti(ful)
This was an all around great poem, I could feel your sadness get happier at the end. I just really like it!
YAY you, your gonna get 3 applause!
Look down there they are(,_____.)
-
ooooh i love this such awesome writing and presentation
this is my favorite part
Lovely */eyes\* hold [s].[a].[d].[n].[e].[s].[s]
&& pain(ful-l), depression
just lovely
WTG good luck in the econtest
-
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wow thanks
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lovely write, I liked how you ended it. =] This was a very good first attempt at dirty pretty. well done. thank you for the entry and good luck.
x-Pretty-Odd-x -
the last stanza of this is really beautiful and holds such a beautiful meaning. it really brought me up, i wish i could just say goodbye to my disease honestly, it seems to hold such a control over me these days. i can't seem to get over the fact that i have one.
great job.
good luck love.
♥ -
I am not necessarily the biggest fan of this style but I felt you used it well, I especially liked the line "I can(not) b.r.e.a.t.h.e again", I know that all the other comments say the same but that was probably my favourite part as I felt your crafted it really well and it showed a lot of emotion. Great work and best of luck x
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This is really good for a first attempt.
The words you've used are beautiful ♥
But in regards to the punctuation:
its really good in most places, like with the
***I can(not) b.r.e.a.t.h.e again.***
but there are other parts, like in:
***Lovely */eyes\* hold [s].[a].[d].[n].[e].[s].[s]***
where it makes the poem a bit hard to read.
Thanks for entering and best of luck - you have a lot of potential, I'd be interested to see if you make another attempt at this style.
Keira
-- blackwood.baby -
drowning
in
the
ocean
I can(not) b.r.e.a.t.h.e again.
lmao, as u know i hate this style.
but that line was good.
you make this style relatively good,
but still i prefer your other stuff
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