we were blackened spots on a page;
part of a
series that never made it
to print.
after all, words
were just words
are just words
can't be
anything
else
but words.
and these
were the things
to do on
summer days,
and we were things
for gods to
play with,
(and in our
mind he was)
late nights
connected
by wires and
the pretend touch
of fingertips
kept me
from starving
but my pain kept us
grounded,
he told me.
he was my
masterpiece;
a fragrant bloom
to block out
the sun
on days I thought
I was just meant
for pollination,
and he showed me with
his lack of
words
and pale lips
that we were
probably
meant to be.
but then one night
when
I glowed too
bright,
he looked
at me with
his blazing blue
and serendipitous
teeth,
and said:
“you” are just a word,
are just
a word,
and can't
ever be anything
else.
and i knew he was true.
Author notes
sorry if this isn't what you're loooking for.
it's where the prompt took me.
i got inspiration from the first
part,
mostly.
also, i hate repetition...so i'm sorry if it bothers you too. i just needed to say it.
A contest entry
- so long to this cold, cold part of the world by houseandcloud.
380 points, ended July 9, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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dani your the best
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This is so dark and tragic, yet beautiful.
God, I fucking love this!!!
and we were things for gods to play with...
Oh I loveeee that!!!
The imagery in that is gorgeous.
This is a fabulous poem! It's abstract and very pensive.
Digression: I accidentally typed penis.
ANYWAY
This is truly wonderful.
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Wow, this is something quite different from you...
Don't get me wrong, it still shows how uniquely you can flaunt your talent but... it hints, dare I say it, of vulnerabilities. All joking aside, I really like this. It is very well crafted though something tells me this was one of those pieces that seemed to write itself. I adore the word analogy. It hits home. Good on you, Kj
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thank you for the commment.
:]
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The repetition does bother me a bit, to be honest. But I use repetition in my stuff sometimes too, in a different sort of way, but all the same. So I can understand how sometimes a writer just needs to repeat themselves. I'll also say that "serendipitous" seems to come out of nowhere and reads a little out of place. I think that, generally, with shorts lines you have to stick to short words too. They sort of compliment eachother that way, but with long words--they conflict, y'know? Thanks for entering and thanks for the comments/critiques that you have made on my poetry. I appreciate it.
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thank you for the feedback.
:]
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holy cheese on a cracker. I absolutely love this poem.
No words, just applause. You're an amazing writer; me=jealous. (-:
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you're amazing-er
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