These days feel heavy, like drapes
of velvet,
the air swollen to saturation.
It never rains.
These days feel so slow, like steps in
dusty rooms,
and like a library,
everyone whispers
and nobody stays.
And trains inch slowly and kites
crawl painfully up
and when we look back on our memories,
he has no colours and we have no sound.
And when people talk, they have nothing
to say;
their eyes don’t tell you, and walls seem
portable too.
You’re not aware if it’s hot or cold or day
and children sit and talk.
Sharp edges seem surreal and arms ache
in the effort,
love existed once but then the birds forgot
how to flap their wings,
and butterflies coat the ground.
And swings swing slowly in the wind,
begging in thirst and the street you stumble down
zooms in and out, in and out
like a tide…
Like a library, everyone whispers and nobody stays
these days feel heavy and it never rains.
God, I wish I could run.
A contest entry
- COME ONE! COME ALL! QUICKY FOR 200 PEOPLE! by Umi Juvariel.
800 points, ended January 21, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please tell me what you think
Comments
-
I liked this. I usually don't like poems like this, but the ending brought it all together in the end. This was a wonderful write. Excellent job and good luck in my contest.
-
In a really weird and indrirect way, this kind of reminds me of Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds.... I love it.
Peace & love,
xx Sin -
excellent
I loved these metaphorical usages:
These days feel heavy, like drapes
of velvet,
the air swollen to saturation.
It never rains.
These days feel so slow, like steps in
dusty rooms,
Excellent well done...these were quite unexpected and as yet fully impacting...damn good. Please dd visit my poetry....i am also given to using metaphorcal language design quite a bit. -
This poem does have a ton of potential. It is full of fine poetic phrasing, however many of them are absolutely incomprehesible:
"You’re not aware if it’s hot or cold or day
and children sit and talk..."
"And trains inch slowly and kites
crawl painfully up
and when we look back on our memories,
he has no colours and we have no sound..."
"he"??
Keep reading and keep writing!!
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