Seed
beauty grew;
radiantly shone,
full filling spirit energies,
admiring radiance grew all around.
Inhaling photos to keep
within heart forever,
paint in ink
blue
for all see.
Love that built inside,
I shall cherish for my life time
pass on to my son, beauty I have learnt.
Always make sure I smile awake
enjoy every moment,
here living
life.
Author notes
Oddquain Swirl -
Syllable count:
1 3 5 7 9 7 5 3 1 3 5 7 9 7 5 3 1 3 5 7 9 7 5 3 1 3 5 7 9 7 5 3 1 3 5 7 9 7 5 3 1 3 5 7 9 7 5 3 1
Here goes I have never wrote this form I looked around the site for the form and the web so that helped it was fun to do thank you for my form
A cool poem type is the oddquain.
Shadowpoetry.com defines an oddquain as:
"short, usually unrhymed poem consisting of seventeen syllables distributed 1, 3, 5, 7, 1 in five lines, developed by Glenda L. Shank.
Oddquain variations:
oddquain sequences - poems made up of oddquain stanzas
crown oddquains - a five stanza oddquain sequence
reverse oddquains - a oddquain with a reverse syllable pattern of 1-7-5-3-1
mirror oddquains - a two stanza oddquain sequence of the pattern 1-3-5-7-1 1-7-5-3-1
oddquain butterflies - a “merged mirror oddquain” where the two stanzas of a mirror
oddquain are merged together, one of the middle 1 syllable lines is dropped, resulting in one nine line stanza of the form 1-3-5-7-1-7-5-3-1. Please note that a oddquain butterfly is not a “oddquain” because it doesn’t have five lines, but it is “butterfly” made up of two oddquains that were merged together into one poem."
A contest entry
- Moment of Truth - Round 3 of 4 by Arkbear.
700 points, ended July 8, 2008, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Hello!
First impression....omg...how beautiful!
Check this.>>>>>
full filling spirit energies, http://www.wordscount.info/hw/syllable.jsp
...you have 8 syll.....you need 7 ~
admiring radiance grown all around, http://www.wordscount.info/hw/syllable.jsp
....you have 10 syll....you need 9 ~
within heart forever, use same counter above
....you have 6 syll.....should be 5 ~
I shall cherish for my life time you have 8 syll....should be 7 ~
pass on to my son, beauty I have learnt. you have10 syll....should be 9 ~
Always make sure I smile awake you have 8 syll....should be 7 ~
Other than those areas, this is such a wonderful write ~
Aesthetics are so pretty......but your Tone and Flow area are a tad awkward in some places....and yes, I know strict syll count will hinder in oyur options for words......but correct grammatical choices are the Challenge ~
:)
This is really pretty..>>>>
Love that built inside,
I shall cherish for my life time
pass on to my son, beauty I have learnt.
Always make sure I smile awake
enjoy every moment,
here living
life.Good luck and God bless you!
Bear ~
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This is a beautiful form and you definately did it justice. The emotions of love and happiness just flow out so well with this and really tell about the beauty our life possesses for each of us if we look hard enough. This is so beautiful! ^_^
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This is a great and interesting
form that you have written in.
I love the contents of this poem
and thank you for sharing it with
us all here! Keep up the wonderful
work!
Jeremy0826 -
Great write and form
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This is a beautiful poem in form and in the love that flows from your heart onto the page. Gorgeous!
- joanne -
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You have written a wonderfull poem, and the form was great, you allways cease to amaze me, Love John
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May you always walk in beauty. An excellent oddquain, which is filled with love for what is around you, and your son. Wonderful poem!
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Thank you
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Lovely form!
I much like the 'blue ink' part being right in the middle, it arouses curiosity, well mine anyway.
May I suggest...
'... awake smile' - smile awake
'... life / earth' - earth / life ... so it ends on 'life'.
Only my thoughts, take or leave.
Sol
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tahnk you so much it reads better now thank you
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taken you thought and used them thank you
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Oh, this is lovely! Makes a really nice 'shape', too!
I like your wording, especially,
'Inhaling photos to keep
within heart forever'
Nice job!
best wishes in the contest.
-
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Thank you
-
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