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Echo

Missing image












and when the last strings
sound, i shall evaporate
and drift; forever echo
in my listeners' fears

the faint notes of a violin
playing before their
last cold breaths

and their stories end



















Author notes

The picture is called "manual trauma"; credit goes to ~pekthong at DeviantArt.

http://pekthong.deviantart.com/art/manual-trauma-47292838

Won gold in this contest: http://allpoetry.com/contest/2412121

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • hiraeth
    July 8
    Edit | Reply
    such a beautiful picture-- so sinewy and perfect and reminds me of one of my favourite musical pieces of all time. it's like a dance of death.

    anyway, i applaud your diction and use of all that blank space. i love it when poets actually know what they're doing!


  • notorious silver member
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, that picture was hard for me to understand before I read this Gold-deserving-and-won piece...very nice.

    Love that it begins with 'and'--it creates a sense of mystery, like an incomplete story that I missed the beginning of.

    "forever echo in my listener's fears"
    Awesome!! It's so personal and disjointed at the same time for the voice of the poem..

    "before their last cold breaths"
    Great personification for a violin (metaphorical violin??)

    "and their stories end"
    Classic to have a poem end with the word 'end'!!


  • hoodoolover silver member
    July 7
    Edit | Reply
    nice work, congrats on the gold


  • tainfinite silver member
    July 7
    Edit | Reply

    taiinfinite

    great write congrats on the gold


  • Sailor Ptolema silver member
    July 6

    Edit | Reply


    Ok, firstly, I'm glad you chose this picture. It was my favorite of the MANY options I set before you


    to the poem, the first thing I noticed was the form, and expansive space before and after the text. Normally that would be dead space...BUT, in this case, it works wonderfully...lets the words echo throughout the page. Form and structuring of poems are quite important to me, as I like to pay attention to details, as I see that you do as well. So, bravo for you insightful spacing

    content:

    It's short, but powerfully, and eloquently written, and I expected no less from you, which is why I asked you to enter ...and it's brevity lets the words echo in the readers' minds...



    "and when the last strings
    sound, i shall evaporate
    and drift; forever echo
    in my listeners' fears">>>>>>>>>this is quite foreboding, and can be read multiple ways which I

    like immensely. the last line gave me the shivers ...and adds a bit of psychological paranoia to it....I love that.

    "the faint notes of a violin
    playing before their
    last cold breaths">>>>>>>>how so very chilling. Makes me think of a serial killer that's playing music as he mutilates and tortures his victims *shivers again*....geepers it leaves a creepy image in my mind.!

    Thank you for you the dark elegance that you have written for the picture, and entering my contest!!!!!!

    ~g'luck

    Sailor Ptolema

1 - 10 of 10