and when the last strings
sound, i shall evaporate
and drift; forever echo
in my listeners' fears
the faint notes of a violin
playing before their
last cold breaths
and their stories end
Author notes
The picture is called "manual trauma"; credit goes to ~pekthong at DeviantArt.
http://pekthong.deviantart.com/art/manual-trauma-47292838
Won gold in this contest: http://allpoetry.com/contest/2412121
In a list
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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You are gifted. Your poems inspire me.
-Bullets -
I have read some of ur poems nw nd wht i cn see is dat u hv perfected the way of writing dark but true to life poems...i admire dat a lot as i too am into dis kind of poetry...kudos man!!
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good meaning
love always
erica
xx
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Thanks?
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such a beautiful picture-- so sinewy and perfect and reminds me of one of my favourite musical pieces of all time. it's like a dance of death.
anyway, i applaud your diction and use of all that blank space. i love it when poets actually know what they're doing!
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I'm curious (and I know your comment is from a while ago), what piece of music were you referencing?
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not telling. i don't tell the names of my favourite pieces, much less the people who wrote them. it's really weird, but they're sacred to me, and anyone who knew them also would defile them. i'm just really overprotective, lol.
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Wow, that picture was hard for me to understand before I read this Gold-deserving-and-won piece...very nice.
Love that it begins with 'and'--it creates a sense of mystery, like an incomplete story that I missed the beginning of.
"forever echo in my listener's fears"
Awesome!! It's so personal and disjointed at the same time for the voice of the poem..
"before their last cold breaths"
Great personification for a violin (metaphorical violin??)
"and their stories end"
Classic to have a poem end with the word 'end'!!
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nice work, congrats on the gold
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taiinfinite
great write congrats on the gold
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Ok, firstly, I'm glad you chose this picture. It was my favorite of the MANY options I set before you
to the poem, the first thing I noticed was the form, and expansive space before and after the text. Normally that would be dead space...BUT, in this case, it works wonderfully...lets the words echo throughout the page. Form and structuring of poems are quite important to me, as I like to pay attention to details, as I see that you do as well. So, bravo for you insightful spacing
content:
It's short, but powerfully, and eloquently written, and I expected no less from you, which is why I asked you to enter
...and it's brevity lets the words echo in the readers' minds...
"and when the last strings
sound, i shall evaporate
and drift; forever echo
in my listeners' fears">>>>>>>>>this is quite foreboding, and can be read multiple ways which I
like immensely. the last line gave me the shivers...and adds a bit of psychological paranoia to it....I love that.
"the faint notes of a violin
playing before their
last cold breaths">>>>>>>>how so very chilling. Makes me think of a serial killer that's playing music as he mutilates and tortures his victims *shivers again*....geepers it leaves a creepy image in my mind.!
Thank you for you the dark elegance that you have written for the picture, and entering my contest!!!!!!
~g'luck
Sailor Ptolema 
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Glad you liked it.
Also, congrats on your gold. -
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aww you're sweet
and thanks!..i fell out of my chair when I found out lol.
...I'm always the picture of grace
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I added a final line; I didn't like the way it just suddenly came to a stop.
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oh crap haha . I JUST now noticed the end line. and like it. I was a bit confused before.
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I am glad you added it. gave it that super creepy feeling
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