Emotions
Placed up to hang
Placing a smile one’s face
Teardrops hidden
From all concerned
Secrets whispered
To the birds
Unknown
To the ones
To supposable loves her
They don’t
In a list
A contest entry
- 10/30/30 Quickie by Sweet Impatience.
1050 points, ended July 3, 2008, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
this comes from my thawing heart.. can you hear it beat?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
beautiful short andf sweet i loved it great job hope to read more
-
whoa great instant win. You've pulled this one off. Though even with the limit of words it's still understandable. It reminded me of fake smiles and happy tears flowing but no one seems to care.
Great write!!!
blessed be
Blanche
-
i like this, but there were a few bits i wasnt to sure about, i mean its as if you have missed out words just to make it fit, and that spoils it for me for instant, placing a smile one's face it just sounds very strange do you mean placing a smile ON one's face or what?
and not sure about to supposable loves her should it be to supposably love her????
i think its a could have been a beautiful poem and thats the only thing i hate about limits on words, sometimes good poems get spoilt, and i think this was one of those, but at the same time if you work hard on it and make it work you can come up with lovely poems when given a word limit, as shown, i mean some of the short poems in this comp are great.
i just feel that you let your poem down by trying to squeeze it in with words missing, when a re-write could have made it great, and on the 30 target
-
AWww hun this was a wonderful take on the prompt.. I told you they never suck..lol.. I really loved this hun.. There was such strong emotion in this...
best of luck..
Angel
-
WOW!!! this is amazing.. such strong emotions leaping off the page with this poem you have written. I can see the tears, I've been there before.. hiding, I spent a lifetime doing just that..
I love you.. and this doesn't suck either.. none of your poems every do..
this is one very powerful emotion filled write.
good luck
kat
-
Aww. so sad dear..good take on the picture though...
me standing here with lots of
-
All the best Sweetie!
-
Lol.. you always say that and they never do..
-
-
yes they do
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
