i.
the sand is filled with secrets and the heat burns our backs until we’re as red as the hearts that beat into your hands when you make me a promise, that beat through my head when i lay on your chest, that beat because that’s all they know how to do.
ii.
i feel something pressing against me, an unfamiliar sensation and i'm convinced it's you so i turn around smiling like i haven’t smiled in months because i think maybe there's a possibility that you could somehow love me again;
but it’s only a wave that had nowhere else to crash.
iii.
memories buzz around our heads and i'm stuck remembering the time when you tapped out melodies on my spine and each bone made a different sound and you got carried away until my back was broken,
but the music was beautiful.
iv.
it's dark here but that's okay because it's meant to be like this. and i come to a halt with the realization that there's nothing left to say. all of a sudden it becomes clear that i don't have anyone to press my eyes against, to remember this moment with through mind's eye snapshots and overanalyzing the salt left on our fingertips.
v.
you push against guitar strings to coax out a melody that might just be more beautiful than anything anyone has ever made for me. but your hands are cracked from lack of touch and they split open. your veins are exposed and all that runs through them are e minors, double standards, and words that sound a lot like 'sorry.'
Author notes
you never did play me that song.
A contest entry
- The loveboat just crashed by ResplendentCloud.
375 points, ended July 27, 2008, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Is Dirty Pretty a Lost Cause? by Hell In Harmony.
6500 points, ended July 22, 2008, 37 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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I forgot to applause. (:
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This made me feel so much. I relate with this so much about this one girl I knew. It wasn't romantic, but she was my best friend...and she just left when we were really becoming teenagers. And I think she needs me more than I need her right now, but I've lost her phone number.
The imagery is beautiful as always. Number two really hit home with me, because of above, and I will admit, several tears fell against my face. Then everything else tied in perfectly.
Your my favorite poet here on AP, hands down. Each one of your poems make me feel and they hold so much emotion. Thank you for giving me hope. -
Again your imagery is superb! A wonderfully penned piece. Thanks for entering and good luck
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Beautiful write, strong and vivid. Full of emotion, and impactful words. My only problem was when you crossed out the words in the second stanza, it was an interesting tequnique but if you ignore the crossed out words, your line does not make sence. Other than that, great write!
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wowzers! great job and good luck
Love,
Mouse -
AMAZINGGGGGGGGG
great intro
the sand is filled with secrets
& the heat burns our backs until
we’re as red as the hearts
that beat into your hands when you make me a promise,
that beat through my head when i lay on your chest,
that beat because that’s all they know how to do
harsh;
but it’s only a wave that had nowhere else to crash.
BEAUTIFUL;
& each bone made a different sound.
and you got carried away
until my back was broken,
but the music was beautiful.
that hurt;
i do not have anyone
to press my eyes against, to remember this moment with
through mind’s eye snapshots
& overanalyzing the salt left on our fingertips.
holy shity; its all i have to say
you pushed against guitar strings
to coax out a melody
that might have just been more beautiful than anything anyone had ever made for me
but your hands were cracked from lack of touch
& your fingertips cut open.
your veins were exposed
& all that ran through them
were e minors and g majors,
perfectly pitched chords,
double standards,
& words that sounded a lot like ‘sorry’.
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"you tapped out melodies on my spine
& each bone made a different sound.
and you got carried away
until my back was broken,
but the music was beautiful."
GOLD.
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great poem, i enjoy any goodbye poem but this one left me breathless... good work
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this is really good. i love the emotion behind it.
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thank you for your generosity
and i'm happy to know that people can relate,
but also sad on some level because i know how much it hurts and i wish nobody ever had to go through that. -
oh wow...too many times have you entered this poem. i usually...DQ just because its not fair. but i feel generous...
half way through reading this i almost started to cry. i've felt this way too too many times. and it burns like hell. my favorite lines were
all of a sudden it becomes
very clear that
i do not have anyone
to press my eyes against, to remember this moment with
through mind’s eye snapshots
& overanalyzing the salt left on our fingertips.
this how i feel everytime i have to pull myself outta bed...i hate it...thankies for entering love ^_^
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This was so sad, you had a lot of really good lines in this poem,
Good luck in the contest. D
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Great poem. I really liked this. The emotions were strong and everything. Your use of DP was definitely unique, as I rarely see it in such a casual form, but all in all it was good. It was different, but I think I liked it =] Thanks for entering & I wish you the best of luck ! ♥
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I do love the emotions here in this piece - the only issue with me was the 'i' as I have a pet peeve of people forgetting or just not capitalizing them. Otherwise I really liked this piece.
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Wow, the imagery in this poem is very impressive, and the emotions are deep and soulful. I love your metaphors and similes, very creative stuff. Thanks for entering!
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breathtaking and beautiful I think is is amazing.. I love all the images your words paint. You have real talent. I usually get bored with long writes and end up not reading the whole thing, But this held me still. WOnderful.
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this was really amazing
i loved it alot
thanks for entering and good luck<3 -
you know how much i love the last stanza so im not even gonna say it again haha.
i love the rest too..but the last stanza is beautiful.
yay for inspiration.
ps. im also tryin to write a poem a day
yaay we can work our butts off together.!
xx.♥
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