When she can’t find the tears to weep,
Can’t find the courage to leap,
Can’t make herself fall asleep:
That’s when she starts to sing.
When she can’t find the words that fit,
Can’t make sense of any of it,
Can’t wade through life’s shit:
That’s when she starts to sing.
It doesn’t matter if she sings with her voice,
Or if an instrument is her choice;
It doesn’t matter: to cry or rejoice,
Her heart truly loves to sing.
It doesn’t matter what notes come out
Or if the notes blend in a wordless shout;
All that matters it what it's about
And that she never forgets how to sing.
She sings her song, and sings it well:
In trembling whispers uttered from her own hell,
Or in swelling crescendos that climb to a yell!
She’ll always remember; she’ll always sing.
Author notes
Picture inspiration by nugoosh at deviantart: http://nugoosh.deviantart.com/art/sing-69605206
A contest entry
- triptych by pine-needles.
1300 points, ended July 12, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Music From The Poet’s Soul by ennovy.
1800 points, ended August 10, 2008, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - From Beginning to End by HisOneTrueLove6107.
400 points, ended September 18, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Loved your form for this one, almost started singing myself. Your poem is very lyrical, could easily be a song. Do you sing this?
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
Novy & Brazos -
I love to sing as well and I adore this read..Thank you for entering our contest...Brazos & Novy
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this contest is really helping me appreciate so much more how rhyme can contribute a lot to a piece.
nicely done rhyming here, the effect of the three rhymes in a row and then the "downbeat" of the fourth line of the quatrain is quite powerful, love the sound, the pulsing of it. i think part of that's because it's also got a strong, solid rhythm to it.
i love the first two stanzas. i have only recently discovered singing as a release, when words fail me, but this describes it so well.
i felt like the last two stanzas have a lot of overlap, seem to be saying largely the same thing, not sure that having two of them adds a lot, though there closing lines build well on each other. i'm a little divided over which is the stronger of the two... i like how you describe "trembling whispers" and "swelling crescendos," i think it allows us to hear the music a lot more, and "hell" and "yell" are quite strong, while "without a doubt" is a lot more limp and seems mainly there for the rhyme (the only line where that seems true, which is impressive, well done). but i like the first and last lines of the first better.
anyway, i'm getting sidetracked here. but really, nicely done. i bet a lot of people can relate.
on edits: "All that matter's is what it's about" is definetly stronger, accomplishes more.
only you can know if/when the edits are "enough." -
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Thank you for the very helpful comments and suggestions! I made a few edits based on what you said about the last two stanzas. If they didn't help I'm more than happy to take one of them out; I'll figure out later what I'd do about that. Anyways, thank you so much! I really appreciate how much thought you put into this and I'm glad this contest is helping me learn so much, regardless of prizes. Thank you! And thanks for hosting such an original and educational contest; this has really helped me explore and learn.
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wow
I so fucking loved this.
I'm the same way. I sing when theres nothing left to say or i cant seem to find the words.
music is my life, my one true love.
this was such a beautiful piece hun
"When she can’t find the tears to weep,
Can’t find the courage to leap,
Can’t make herself fall asleep:
That’s when she starts to sing."
these lines are me. <3
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