Within Us by Thoughts-of-Soloman at All poetry

One

Unique

Being and

Essence of All

< >

Only broken thoughts

deem things as any other

but Beauty and its Lover

blame belongs to me

< >

We become our

own belief

changing

each

moment

the aspects

are so revealed

< >

The one single Truth

beyond these explanations

beginnings and cessations

this Truth within soul

< >

Guided and shown

when asking

always

i don't

know at all

the Knower knows

< >

Such children at play

shown in the flashing of light

chaptered into days and night

drawn by our secret

< >

The limits will

not describe

Only

Himself

knows Himself

the one true guide

< >

Knowing is by Him

the Compassion and Mercy

in one sheerness of Beauty

giving us all strength

< >

Ever draws me

the One who

brings us

'home'

Author notes

*Arkquain Swirl*
Credit for Form...Arkbear

Syllable count - 1,2,3,4, break, 5,7,7,5, break, 4,3,2,1,2,3,4, break, 5,7,7,5, break, 4,3,2,1,2,3,4, break, 5,7,7,5, break, 4,3,2,1,2,3,4, break, 5,7,7,5, break, 4,3,2,1 (each 7 syllable line must have end line rhyme)

A contest entry

Moment of Truth - Round 3 of 4 by Arkbear. 700 points, ended July 8, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

Welcome any sincere response and critique

Comments

1 - 25 of 25

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Adding your comment:
islekine
July 9

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Aloha Gary!!!
This is absolutely beautiful....Congrats on the Silver.....Don't know how Bear chose between the top three entries!!! Glad I didn't have to judge. Best wishes in round four....
write on!
pray for on Earth!
Arkbear
July 8

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Hello Sol ~

First impression.....aesthetics........1st Swirl is basically perfect.....2nd Swirl is a weeeeee bit off...beautiful nonetheless...........3rd Swirl.....did it turn into a parachute.....hehe.....4th Swirl.....both ( 7 ) syllable lines are a tad out too far.......wisely chosen grammatical choices are your only hope :) ....but still looks grreat!

Syllable count........perfect!

Theme.....I am always amazed at the love which some People possess.....and you are one of those :)

I enjoyed your work this Round......this is what I took from it the most..>>>>>

The limits will

not describe

Only

He

Himself

knows Himself

the one true guide

< >

Knowing is by Him

the Compassion and Mercy

in one sheerness of Beauty

giving us all strength

< >

Ever draws me

the One who

brings us

'home'

V

Good job Sol........God bless you for your talents and effort putting this Form together, as it was the hardest of al forms given, and I gave it to you because I knew you could handle the task ~

Be well,

Bear ~
vanessa reen
July 4

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Wow, I was going to say as I was reading this that the structure was great, but now seeing the syllable count for a contest, I think you are my hero!!! This is brilliant Sol, really, and I wish you all the best in the contest. And not drawing away from the fact that the content of this poem is just as wonderful. Well done and all the best.
- Thoughts-of-Soloman
  July 4
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  Thanks vanessa
  
  Content mine... Form is ArkBear's and yes, I admit, I like it too.
  
  Hope your doing good!
  
  Sol
thelordreigns
July 3
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WOW
This is pure gold in form and in poetry!

- joanne -
- Thoughts-of-Soloman
  July 4
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  Thank you
  
  All credit to ArkBear for the form, great honour to be invited to make use of it...
  Hope he likes it as much as you do and thanks for the encouragement joanne.
  
  Sol
azure85
July 3

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Very nice form indeed, and a beautiful poem. The revealing within ourselves of the Creator, so evident within each line. A beautiful poem.
- Thoughts-of-Soloman
  July 4
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  Thank you for your eyes, azure.
Scented kiss
July 3

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This is a fantastic poem and beautifully woven form, good luck in the contest
- Thoughts-of-Soloman
  July 4
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  Good luck to you, I think I will come and have another look!
  
  Sol
Lucy.
July 3

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I know I already commented, just wanted to do so again. Now that I've spent a bit more time here...

You've done a FLIPPIN' BRILLIANT job with this!! Really! Haven't you?

It's so tough to fit into these form guidelines, let alone the subject matter (Arkbear was quite demanding of you! ) and you've done it exquisitely.

You've used the perfect words for your syllable count, making the shape aesthetically gorgeous. And, on top of that, lost no meaning at all in what you're saying.

Bravo!! Arkbear has given you a difficult challenge and you've risen to the occasion more eloquently than he, or you, could have hoped to expect, I'll bet.

I'm very impressed with you. Best of luck in the contest. X
- Thoughts-of-Soloman
  July 3
  Edit | Reply
  
  You know, despite its demands, I really do like this form ArkBear's come up with and it does open a big window of potential possibilities, I'd not really considered so much before.
  
  Also thanks to you for your suggestions and huge helpful encouragement
  
  love X
ArtFullyMe
July 2
Edit | Reply
- Thoughts-of-Soloman
  July 3
  
  Edit | Reply
  
  That 'within' word, traces its way back to a special day for me.
- Thoughts-of-Soloman
  July 2
  Edit | Reply
  
  Thank you.
Ruby34
July 2

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Oh what a lovely piece again Karim. I love this part very much..

'We become our

own belief

changing

each

moment

the aspects

are so revealed'

I enjoyed the form of Arkbear..with a lovely shape to it too. Your words are always stunning

The only thing though the title.. I didn't get it?

Ruby
- Thoughts-of-Soloman
  July 2
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  Thank you Ruby...
  
  I'm so happy that you like it.
  The title just hadn't appeared yet.
  
  Sol
aboomer
July 2

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Put your form, etc. in your AN's, and credit....
This is really lovely! that form is beautiful!! (think I'd better either withdraw, or re-do, mine!...lol)
Great wording. Nice job!!
best wishes in the contest.
- Thoughts-of-Soloman
  July 2
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  Hey' thank you, on all counts!
  
  yes very important, along with coming up with a title
  
  Will go to it, catch you later Sol ............
Suzanne Dia
July 2

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I really like this. There is a rhythm to it even when it doesn't rhyme, and it is hypnotic, really.
- Thoughts-of-Soloman
  July 2
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  You have given me a big, big smile.
  
  I found this very tricky, if not awkward because of the prompt subject as much as form. I feel very conscious about 'making statements' in this context, far more so than usual but dilution wouldn't do, or be honest either. I mean it's not a subject which you can compromise in meaning for the sake of achieving the form. Our ArkBear, bless him, has much to answer for.
  
  Thank you so much
apples fell
July 2

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Hello Sol. I just wanted to say that I enjoyed this very much. I'm going away for a few days and I'm really not up for a big critique, not that I can point out anything that bothered me right now anyways. I like the third stanza and stanza six the most. Sorry this comment is not as constructive as some of my other ones, but at least I know when commenting is a little beyond my scope.

Good work emerald.

I'll see you on july 7th,
or around then at least.

;
- Thoughts-of-Soloman
  July 2
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  Hey' thanks for calling by!
  Much appreciated... ArkBear put me to this, never done anything like it before ... your encouragement most welcomed.
  
  Hope you have a great time, wherever it is you are off to and look forward to your 'shine' on your return.
  
  Sol
- - apples fell
    July 2
    Edit | Reply
    
    I'm off to new hampshire. It should be fun. The piece sort of reminds me of the spider and angel poem you put in my collab contest...Although this form is more based on syllable counts, where that one was more loose. I think you've done the form justice. Especially considering the stylized aspect of the poetry. It is certainly a strong piece, regardless of form.
    
    And yes, I shall shine when I return.
Lucy.
July 2
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Fabulous!!! X