When pondering what I should write,
I was startled and sent into fright.
For right under my chair,
a goblin was there -
and man he produced a sharp bite!
My name is Stefanie -
the names I am called are uncanny.
Some quite crude,
others quite lewd -
But for the contest we'll stick to Stef-annie.
I have a distant friend called Tash,
who was rather impartial to Hash.
A blunt or a spliff,
on park bench or a cliff,
but she never carried enough cash.
Craig, a young womaniser -
once drunk a whole bottle of Tizer.
It is said that is bladder,
got badder and badder
and his tummy grew wider and wider.
My mother has peculiar taste,
liver, chop suey and fish paste.
Brown sauce with all meals
are you starting to feel,
that your stomach is lurching in haste?
I once met a man from Dundee,
his name was Marty McGee.
"I'm really from Belfast,
but there is too overcast -
I'd rather live quite near the sea."
A handsome young baker asked why,
I abruptly moved away from MI.
"Tis true it's quite pretty
and the people are witty -
But Callie's hot men is why!"
I write limericks to entertain,
whatever pops into my brain.
Most aren't funny
and wouldn't make money,
but I like driving people insane.
I'd love to go to the US in the fall,
as I've never been there at all.
It's much more entertaining,
oh what am I saying -
Forget - George Bush and Al Gore?
I hate to come to the conclusion,
but this limerick is only a delusion.
You've been on too much dope
and now you can't cope
with this traumatizing illusion.
When explaining the facts of life,
to my sister, I have to be right.
Is the male the most strongest -
he's certainly more wrongest
and always prepared for a fight.
Roses are Red and Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet and so are you.
The Valentine's saying,
needs some updating -
as quite often it's unlikely true.
In school my favourite class,
was English, Science and Maths.
The others a bore,
couldn't take anymore -
but at least I passed year 9 SATs.
The meaning of life I ponder,
sit at night and silently wonder.
God - did he make,
or more Darwin's take -
I find myself in a sunder.
The end of the comedy's near,
not that there was any here.
I tried my very best,
to beat all the rest,
but I doubt any smiles will appear.
Gold trophy winner
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