To begin at the end making my way back to the start
On a bobbing sea of shiny boats
Drifting in and out on the tides of life
The Whale was bobbing up and down in the Welsh sea
In time to the music from the Bagpipes
Playing like a Cat and had just been blown apart by an IRA Bomber;
.............
And he being a sailor took her word for it all
They wed under the sunken lighthouse
and were divorced in the Pub next door the very same night
So to begin at the end which is closer to the beginning that the next verse in line.
It was a Dark and stormy night
When Polly Perkins lost her draws to a sailor man
And after having 3 kids told him she was still a virgin,
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But their wedding was made on a bouncing bobbing land
so it could not last more than a day or two
because Polly had to go home to her husband the fisher fellow,
Catching crabs from his local lady friends.
.............
Author notes
A TAKE UP ON DLAN THOMAS A WELSH/ENGLISH POET
Dylan Thomas’s Under Milk Wood
In a list
A contest entry
- The Asshole's Contest: Good Poet's BORROW, Great Poet's STEAL! by Avatar of Innocence.
1800 points, ended July 5, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I thought this poem was quite sardonic, and you did embody the spirit of Thomas. Thank you for introducing me to his masterpiece (Under Milk Wood). Captain Cat and the drowned people are hilarious! Additionally, you have a very witty last line--because I don't know if it was Polly or only her husband who caught the sexually transmitted vermin--but the beginning line lost me a bit.
Some of your lines had minor grammatical errors:
Line six: "blown apart by AN IRA Bomber"
Third stanza, line 1: "THEIR wedding was made"
Thanks again!
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Thank you.
I relooked at the poem and reworked the errors out of it. Thank you for telling me as I missed them the first time, as I must have got sea sick! on the bouncing bobbing land, under the lighthouse under the sea. I think her husband is the crab catcher but polly likes to give crabs to the local sailors, But to understand the first line you nead to read the Great man himself "DYLAN THOMAS" and his play "UNDER MILK WOOD"
Bye for now, or until we bump into each other again on this site.............
And thanks again.
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I had to go and read some Dylan Thomas after reading this entry, just so I could be sure I knew how it related, or how the styles compared, so thanks for getting me to read someone I normally wouldn't.
In the first stanza, L1, that's a brain twister to be sure, and I'm not sure that kind of "cleverness" is necessary for the piece. "Bobbing" used twice doesn't really do it for me, and the flow doesn't seem to be nearly as tight and succinct as in his own work Under Milk Wood. Of course, Under Milk Wood is WAY long, lol, so to capture that voice in only three stanzas is, I tell ya, a remarkable accomplishment. I actually got that kind of old world vibe, and it works. I wasn't expecting to like this, even telling myself I wouldn't, lol, but I really do. It's entertaining, tongue-in-cheek (with that stellar ending), and you use your grammar in intellectual and interesting ways. Very cool entry. Thanks for stopping by Avatar's contest -
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I hope you enjoy his work...
Try reading = "UNDER MILK WOOD" By "DYLAN THOMAS"
and you can see why I wrote this weird poem.............
Happy reading & writing too.
Bye for now, or until we bump into each other again on this site.............
And thanks again for your comments.
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