It's not enough;
need to go further yet
Greater and greater immersion
to where surface glare is minimal
To the true spirit of earth;
pen nearly fused to my hand
As a magic wand; and, if necessary,
a weapon of self defense.
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It's not enough;
need to go further yet
to the true spirit of earth';
pen nearly fused to my hand
..
a weapon of self defense.
love those lines. -
Cool
Excellent feeling of intensity in this poem. Very well done. Thanks for the reviews on my haikus. I am not really a haiku writer, so I appreciate it. ~Peace~Gar
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I get a listing of your poem on the previous page of being 14 lines. Above my comment box, the poem is displayed as 8 lines: "It's not enough... of self defense."
The title and words are econically compact giving the poem a terse strength. "Greater and greater" immitates a deepening descent. The tight couplets add to the the poem's earnestness. And the symbols for your two-edged pen: a magic wand and a defense weapon are effectively between worlds. Substantiating the descent of your resolve. A subtle and strong piece.
Suggestion: For "immersion" & "minimal", my personal approach might be to keep with words more old-world & more blunt, of less syllables, in keeping with the old-world myth of self-discovery descent.
Thanks for your poem. Liked the lemonade stand pic. -
Ok all I have to say, is wow. This is a very enchanting right. I hope others think so as well. It flows together well, and catches your attention from the start.
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Thank you, my friend
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