today i have miscarried a poem
at the early hours of wood;
it didn’t cry and it didn’t burst
like a thought shaken against the wall.
i stretched its cells over an exam sheet
as white and weightless as a moon with smallpox.
blood was censored - too early for cramps,
i forced myself to believe
in the surgery gloves of memory.
its head was an undefined metaphor
and it had feelings, says mister blind spot.
”don’t believe that crap,” i claim,
”here’s to evolution!” but something
cheated its way out of me, less
than alive. something escaped
the concentration camp of life that i am.
something not a poem, doctors speak
science babble. it grew inside me,
effervescent pill in a dry glass.
the scratch sheet, the vanilla-scented
pages of day - just didn’t belong
to me.
Author notes
Dienush.
Top Secret - ii.
“discovered, i rushed out of the backdoor,
abandoning my chores for a new task:
to wear masks of indifference
shielding outside opinions.”
credit - Tyler
In a list
A contest entry
- Top Secret - Mission 1 by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended July 25, 2008, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
Wow. Impressive piece. Inspired me so much!
Lots of great images and sudden thoughts that were successfully brought to the page at the risk of a reader's not getting it.
I do..I do!lol.
" Whatever we think is not always all of what is. It has its magistrate, the conscience, in which all is born the root of truth!" ..Yeh. I said that..
-
Well deserved silver. What a wonderful metaphor and you bring it to life so well. We all can identify with those feelings.
Well done. Excellent as always.
Garrison
-
This feel so, fresh. I think this is the strongest poem I have read by you in a long while. It is very telling, but also, it does not fear being misunderstood. I often think that your poetry is sometimes too disjointed, but here, you have really nailed something wonderful. It is expressive without being needy and it is well written without being forceful. I hope you are doing alright. I miss your words on my stuff. I miss chatting in general. First stanza is brilliant, plain and simple.
;
-
diana, this was excellent.
-
-
Thanks for the comment & silver
-
-
Opening line= fantastic.
-
Challenging
I had to read this a few times, the style and imagery is abstract and made me think hard about poetic convention. I was startled and moved as visuals went off like fireworks as I read, not an organised display but choice explosions of thought. I became very fond of this piece and I thank the author for opening my eyes. A good piece of work Dienush, you Rock, Thank You I enjoyed it.
-
this is an absolutely inspriring mix of metaphors and imagery that just sucked my eyes to the page reading it. Just WOW
-
-
Greatt !!
Splendid use of imagery throughout the poem! What really got to me though were the lines;
"it didn’t cry and it didn’t burst
like a thought shaken against the wall."
I am kind of in love with everything that'bursts' at the moment!!
"i forced myself to believe
in the surgery gloves of memory."
I hate hospitals and their characteristic antiseptic smell makes me shudder inside, what makes this weird is that I grew up at stone's throw from an hospital owned by my uncle who is also a surgeon and I had implicit trust in his gloved hands (ONLY his). I no longer stay there and so I hate going to hospitals!!
Nice write!
Peace
Anansey
-
i love, love, love the opening. i've been at summer camp for weeks and am back for a bit and i just realized how much i missed reading your poetry.
-
i have to say this was an amazing poem but i swear i thought the wrong thing from the title, lol, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
-
whenever science and art are mixed I can't help but find it bloody brillant. Excellent Di.
-
I really liked this . I love all of the concrete detail you put in this that you've been going through lately, like all of your exams and the doctor visit and the pills she gave you, etc. I'm still trying to write something for this, no words will come out .
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
