The ghost goes by again,
transparent;
not so much a presence
as an existential absence,
a sad leading man
in a silent movie loop
from some experimental school
of surrealism.
He mimes songs of sorrow
to a scratchy tinkled sound track,
twirls in a solo two-step,
exits stage left in a flickering
fade out, to resurface
from the right, grey, grainy,
helplessly compelled
to repeat
his dance of defeat
until the film falters,
celluloid crumples
on a close-up of his face
flaring into white light;
agonized,
burning…
Author notes
Prompt : "grounded in existence or the experience of existence"
In a list
A contest entry
- Ghosts by Quill.
1750 points, ended July 16, 26 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Existential by definition.*RE-OPENED* by l33t-n1nj4.
1050 points, ended August 1, 8 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 47 of 47
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Congrats on your golden cup!!!
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Thank you so much!
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brilliant way to discribe residule hauntings that is very clever. also very emotional. way to go on winning gold you diserve it
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until the film falters,
celluloid crumples
on a close-up of his face
flaring into white light
The exact definition of the term 'ghost'.
Lovely work. Congrats on the gold.
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Congratulations on the well deserved Gold, wonderful imagery and very descriptive work. Well done.
Shaz xx
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Thank you so much - I was a bit surprised, as I know the host prefers rhyme!
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This is really creative. I especially love:
a sad leading man
in a silent movie loop
That just captures the mood of this piece so well, and sets the stage for what is to come- and
twirls in a solo two-step,
exits stage left in a flickering
fade out, to resurface
from the right, grey, grainy,
helplessly compelled
to repeat
his dance of defeat
Yes, I am quoting the whole poem. And I could quote the whole poem. This is quite well done, original, and can be read on many different levels. Great job, and good luck with the contest. -
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Thank you for your read, comment and good wishes. I am glad you like the poem!
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I'm still liking this!
Marlene -
wonderful, creative, and very evocative and vivid description.
i especially like the film references and termanologies, the loop and
"a scratchy tinkled sound track"
and particularly, the very striking,
"celluloid crumples
on a close-up of his face
flaring into white light"
excellent ending, and like the simple directness of the title.
"existential absence" is very thought provoking, what a great way to describe it, very insightful.
i see i have no critiques, for once... very well done! -
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Than you so much for your great comments!
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I love this poem, it's very spooky, not because it's scary scary, but because you don't really know what's going on...if there really is a ghost or if it's just imagined.
One of the greatest human fears is the unknown...you played into this very well.
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Thank you!
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oooooo this is s great, so haunting!!!
love that the ghost is an "Existential absense">>>>so perfect.
I wish you all my best in the contest!!!
Sailor Ptolema
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Thank you for the read and good wishes (and the new shoe!)
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very eerie indeed, i also like that "not so much a presence
as an existential absence," that really puts a deeper meaning into this poem, i felt strangley drawn into your rhyme scheme and the pattern that this poem forms, outsanding -
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Thank you for reading and commenting.
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Very eerie piece. I really like that passing not a presence as an absence... a film school's surrealistic loop. A sorrowful miming of song and dance as an existence of sorts in compelled repetition... very chilling. And then if that isn't hard enough a faltering, crumpling agonizing white flare ending. Sort of a constant reliving of the death of your life's filmstrip. I have felt like a ghost at times in my own life.
Marlene
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Thank you for reading and commenting, Marlene. I'm recognising circles in my own life, I guess this comes from that. Like a ghost, unable to make changes, compelled to repeat...
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Wow, this one was a very strong write with such vivid imagery! I loved this piece!
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Thank you for reading and commenting. V. busy at the moment, but I will come and read you too.
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This was incredible!
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Brilliant! I enjoyed reading this! ***Pam***
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Thank you Pam, I'm glad you enjoyed this.
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This wonderful work had the power to hold me from start to finish. Nicely written with deep and rich imagery. Well done and good luck in the contest. Excellent penning!
Shaz xx
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Thank you for reading and commenting, Shaz.
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Yes, I agree this is a good piece and am glad to see that it is getting some well deserved appreciation... I like the idea that he is dancing a dance of defeat. Yet this ghost keeps going, as he can never die, and the glimpse of his face, in this light, is so effective.
. Rewarded 6
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Thank you for your read and comment.
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Great job! I like this poem!
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Thank you!
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This has been added to the final chosen few,I feel my original comment was bordering on terse,loved the imagery of the figure flickering,
"a sad leading man
in a silent movie loop"
"He mimes songs of sorrow
to a scratchy tinkled sound track,
twirls in a solo two-step,
exits stage left in a flickering
fade out, to resurface
from the right, grey, grainy,
helplessly compelled
to repeat
his dance of defeat"
This is inspired writing!
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This is very good Pania. I am sure the points it cost you were worth it. It is a good contest entry. Not only has it got really good imagery (for some reason reminding me of Ginsberg a bit) it is intelligently developed. I love the 'existential absence' line. I want to study Existential Absentism at night school now, even if it doesn't exist. The whole 'movie loop' thing works well, a great image! The whole phonetic sound is rich in alliterative & the fricative consonant sounds almost make the hairs stand up on the back of my neck. The last stanza just pulls it together & finalises it wonderfully.
This is very good.(& a little scary!) -
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Thank you for reading and commenting. It was actually a response to a poem a friend wrote last night - his was even more scary, and evoked this.
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A good answer to the original poem. Perhaps he will read it and respond.
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Ghosts can't answer anything, all they can do is haunt. And they don't even know why they do it.
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this is eerie but it seems sad too. like he is trapped in is role. fabulous!
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Thank you for your read and comment!
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WOW!!!!!
thats all i can say really
I like it..awsome write
good job
keep it up
good luck -
There is a school of thought on hauntings (if you believe in that sort of thing) that the apparitions are just emotion memories played over and over again, left behind by the living. This is a good metaphor for the same idea. And it is also a good take on existentialism - more to the point - determinism.
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Thank you for your comment - I agree with that school of thought, hence the loop.
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Damn good piece of work. Smooth and uncomplicated with every word in its place. Good luck in the contest and happy trails neighjbor
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Thank you, neighbour!
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Don't listen to the judge. This was wonderful. A great poem, I do not understand why he has to have everything so "perfect" This poem is fine just the way it is. Nothing will ever fit his preference. He probably thinks the better of him. Good luck in the contest.
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Thank you for your read, comment and support.
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I prefer rhyme
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I noted that you prefer rhyme. However, you didn't limit your contest to rhyme only. Let the poem be judged on its merits. It does contain slant rhyme, internal rhyme etc.
Or does rhyme to you mean only end-line rhyme? Perhaps you could be more specific.
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