From behind the walls of ignorance,
cowers an apathetic fool
Walls built thick of secrets and denial
Self absorbed, never minding the everlasting
effects on the victim in his wake
Depression, isolation, ashamed and dirty
are secrets that she keeps
She bears the burden meant for him
“Just get over it”
“Don’t dig up the past”
Well, hear my voice,
cause I am no longer afraid
My mask is off for all to see
Your evil acts are yours to own
and the wall is yours to hold
The blame I will no longer share,
for it is yours alone to bear
Take it; it’s too damn heavy,
and I am too damn tired
to hold your wall of shame
Author notes
7. "Don't judge me based on your ignorance"
-Thorin
This is for my father who continues to ignore the pain he has caused from sexually abusing me as a child. For him, ignorance is bliss.
Paw-writer
A contest entry
- ---| Quote Inspired |--- by Tamaska Forsaken.
650 points, ended July 12, 2008, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dead Inside by XxSuicidal-LovexX.
1500 points, ended August 9, 2008, 43 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - lots of options! enter your best poem! PW ☺ by Fallen-Phases.
450 points, ended August 26, 2008, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - my lovely ap family! by Immortal Obscurity.
875 points, ended October 7, 2008, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TEARS OF ANGER & GUILT SWALLOWING OUR SOULS...enter if you dare.... by ears2hearyou.
900 points, ended November 29, 2008, 39 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Want The Best of Pre Writes by theredcatjazzoflove.
700 points, ended November 25, 2008, 29 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For PAW. by xxRainbowDawnxx.
400 points, ended January 29, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What Should She Do? by darlee77.
1250 points, ended September 19, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 84 of 84
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this is a good psychological profile of what a mother-in-denial goes through...
only it's kind of hard to deny when one's child is bleeding and dead in front of you. that's the twist of this particular contest... What would a mother do if the raw truth was blatently before her? Victims of abuse often suffer a slow, torturous , life- long death. Thank you for sharing... -
Very sad and powerful. Thank you for entering.
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this is true..you should never wear his shame of abuse as yours..i thought it was my fault my dad did what he did and i blamed my self..but i turned my thoughts to notice how sick of a man he truly was
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Thank you, and you must be wise beyond your years because it took me much longer to get to where you seem to be already. I am amazed at your strength, and your ability to realize that he was a very sick man. Blessings, Patty
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This is really good. It shows a lot of the strength you must have... I'm glad you are refusing to carry the blame and shame anymore as you're right... it's his to carry.
Well done for getting to that place where you realise you're not to blame.
Very inspiring
x x x -
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Thank you so much. Your thoughts and comments here are very supportive and mean a lot. Blessings, Patty
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emotionally wonderful write. thanks for sharing.
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Very very nice. The imagery and flow is great in this poem. I love how you get over it by placing the burden on someone who gave it to you. This was very deep and a very lovely write. I liked it alot, keep it up and thanks for entering my contest.
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I like this, there was such emotion it was moving. best of luck in the contes. thank you for entering
hope all is well
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such emotion and feeling shown through your poem. an amazing write.
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Thanks much! Blessings, Patty
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Wow this was amazing!
I'm sorry for what you had to go through,
I felt the emotion and pain in this poem, Stay strong and thankyou for entering!
Tash
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Thank you so much for your kind comment. Blessings, Patty
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i felt your hidden defiance in this poem.
"From behind the walls of ignorance,
cowers an apathetic fool
Walls built thick of secrets and denial"
the starting sucked me in and i couldn't wait to read the ending.
great job
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Yes! at last someone who stands up for them self after abuse. Thank you....Such an amazing write with so much truth. I love it. If only all who have been abused could feel and think like this. Thank you for entering this poem into my contest
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You are such a strong person. I have gone through this also, so it is like I myself wrote these words. Thank you for entering my contest, and thank you for letting me read this poem. You help the many that cannot speak for themselves, voice their own feelings.
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I'm sorry you have had to go through this, it's a shame not everyone can have a happy childhood and be treated correctly by their families.
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'free @ last
I do not know if 'Karma, exists, however at least you have broken the chains of guilt. Hopefully (he) will pick up the remnents.
Aside from this / you write well.
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this was a very nice poem here i think you did a very great excellent job it was a great pleasure to read here good luck i the contest
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Powerful, powerful write!
loved it's strength and might!
(won't even admit how long it took me to find that
strength)
smartly written, wisely done!
BEAUTY OF A POWERFUL POEM!
ears/Seattle
welcome to the finalist list!
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Severe and touching
I been there, done that. . . or had that done to me. I will never know what it feels like to love a father, or know what one can be when he cares. This poem really moved me and I applaud the one who removes the mask.
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wow, I'm sorry hun. thanks for entering.
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wonderful piece here
i really enjoyed it, thank you for entering
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Just Brilliant
WOW I did need to read this poem. Just excellent. Oh how I could relate so well to this poem. I too was horribly abused and have carried all that heavy shame and blame. Your word choice and the way you presented your poem is just brilliant. I'm not quite where you are yet but I am working on it. Thank you for giving me hope through your very well written poem of emotions. I am so sorry you were abused. It just breaks my heart. Nobody should ever be abuse let alone a child who isn't aloud to speak. I'm just discovering I have a voice.
Your poetry is just excellent and I thank you for sharing your gift to write it with me.
Wishing You Many Blessings
Much Love
Kelle Marie
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Hmmm, good overall.
Bit choppy in some places with the flow.
you could work on the diction.
Although the word apathetic is what caught me I have a thing for the word. lol.
Oh and just a spelling point, ever lasting is everlasting. one word.
Thanks for entering and good luck! -
He may ignore, but he will pay. Everyone will have to answer for their sins.
A sad poem, but writing about it is a good thing for healing ones soul.
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This is a very deep poem which I can understand perfectly for I too have had this kind of thing happen to me. Only not my father but another member of the family. And members of the family have replied to me "well you know how he is... that's just him." Doesn't make it right by far. You have the right to point out the fact that his mistakes do affect you as well as other people. This is a very well written poem. You definitely got your opinion and thoughts across. Good job here. Thanks for entering this contest.
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Your evil acts are yours to own
DAMN! you blew my mind...I find myself thinking It's my fault and carrying this burden is my duty... but it's no obligation to me! for shame will kill you in the end. I will crush with the pain you've caused... Thank you Thank you Thank you for sharing this. You've opened my eyes to more than you know...
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It is true; you must not take the blame in any way. Hand it back where it belongs. The shame is not yours. I am so sorry you have this pain too. I wish you peace and healing. Blessings, Patty
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what the most sad part about this.. is that it has happened to so many people.. it's heartbreaking. you've about found the cure.
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Ty for entering Good Luck. Oh my i know that feeling really well. im sorry you had to go through that.
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This is beautiful, though sad; it almost reminded me of the song, "I'm OK" by Christina Aguilera, which is along the same lines. I highly recommend you check it out, or at least read the lyrics
No one ever deserves to be abused; it's not your fault, and I'm glad that you are starting to understand that now. I hope that writing this has offered you some sort of closure, and a sense of peace within yourself. Thank you for sharing this with me, and for entering your talent into my contest.
Laura, aka Immortal
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Thanks so much for the bronze! I will check out the song and thanks for the referral. Blessings, Patty
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Very nice work. The words show so much emotion. Moreover you have not used long lines. The poem is short and meaningful but painful too. Thanks for entering. good luck
-neha
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Fantastic job on writing about something so sad and painful. I can relate but have never been able to write about it. Thank you for sharing this excellent write.
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Thank you. It can be very healing to write about the pain. I hope someday you will be able to. Blessings, Patty
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ok it was a bit hard for m to read, just for my sensitive eyes buttttt, it was very well written. I had a lot of feeling and emotion and grasped the readers attention. I wish you the best of luck!!
Good write
Rose -
Aww Patty such true and profound words of pure wisdom!
You have penned again to perfection here Patty! Deep deep within the heart and souls and the wisdom deep and prfound forms the essence of this fantastic poetic piece. This says so much and refers to so many poor souls out there too. All too many prevail amidst ignorance and dweell only in the mundane of the 3rd domension, many of which I wonder will make it to the 5th, they are so blind to all that is true and to the light, this sure puts that state of play well and truly on the map, lets hope the culprits when they read this will take note before they are doomed to all eternity and the unrest likely if change isn't swiftly effected.
Bravo, love it well penned and as always to perfection love it its phenomenal as are you for writing this!
Poetic Hugs and Congratulations on this one!
Kaz.
Kazytc xx
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Thanks so much Kaz! Your comments are so encouraging and uplifting, and I feel honored that you read and respond to my writing. Thanks again. Blessings, Patty
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I like this. It is powerful. What an expression of separation and release!
I especially like:
"The blame I will no longer share,
For it is yours alone to bear
Take it; it’s too damn heavy,
And I am too damn tired
To hold your wall of shame"
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well written poem
A very sad well written poem A great pity attacks
of this nature occur, especialy when the perpetrator
shows no remorse George -
beautiful descriptions, i loved the way it flows, a very powerful write
great job
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I love the use of words in this, they carry so much emotion that cuts through the reader.
I love the lines;
Well, hear my voice,
Cause I’m no longer afraid
My mask is off for all to see
Your evil acts are yours to own
And the wall is yours to hold
I see you standing up to show the world. A wonderful write.
Rose
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Wow; this was so powerful. Beautiful elaborations & descriptions. An excellent read!
Thanks for entering & best of luck
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God bless you, Patty. I hope your father is suffering for what he has put you through. I can't imagine the hurt you feel. I have lived a fruitful life compared with yours and will not complain about my lot again. This was a poem written which should never have been. You should not have had to feel these things. I hope the great spirit finally lets him see the terrible pains he inflicted. God, Patty. My heart is always with you!
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Thank you so much. It is true that this is a pain that never truly goes away, but I have worked very hard to get where I am today. This happens to so many that it is overwhelming at times to think about it. Your compassionate comment means a lot to me. Thank you. Blessings, Patty
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I like this poem. Refusal to bear another's shame- very direct here. :]
"Depression, isolation, ashamed and dirty
Are secrets that she keeps
She bears the burden meant for him"
Saddening and descriptive. I love it.
"From behind the walls of ignorance,
Cowers an apathetic fool
Walls built thick of secrets and denial
Self absorbed, never minding the ever lasting
Effects on the victim in his wake"
I like this. It shows how careless the "torturer"- I guess you would call it- is.
Well deserved trophies. :]
-Lily♥
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I am sorry but I can't let you place in the contest because this has won a trophy higher than green. It is a wonderful poem.
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That is okay..it won before this one was ended. Patty
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A very powerful emotional write you have penned. I loved the ending. The only way to get past the pain and guilt is to know it was nver your fault. Nicely done! Thanks for entering and good luck.
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Oh my, this is extremely deep. I knew a girl who suffered from the same thing...took her life because of it. I'm very impressed you were able to take all that bottled up pain and pour it out into each line of this poem. This is definitely one of the most moving things i've ever read. I'm glad you were able to speak out and acknowledge that the blame is in no way, shape, or form yours at all. Thank you so much for entering :'}
Best of Luck
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Thank you so much for such a thoughtful and kind comment. I appreciate it so much! Blessings, Patty
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Oh. This is a really sad poem that you have going on here. It sounds like you have really been through a lot in your life so far and are having a hard time in coming to terms with it. It must be really rough. In the end though, you really can't change any one but yourself. I thought you did a good job of describing that here.
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What an incredibly powerful poem. Your words are harsh and truthful, and you bring to the fore a fact that many, many young people go through/are going through but are often to scared/ashamed to speak of. Kudos to you for having the strength to stand against it, and know that shame is NOT your burden! Thanks so much for sharing this, and taking the time to enter my contest,
Luck. -
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Thanks so much for the wonderful and thoughtful comment. Blessings, Patty
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This is an awesome poem. I got a one or two friends that will relate to this poem. Enjoyed the read! Thank you for entering my contest.
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Wow, a close friend of mine has this same problem... Her dad keeps trying to be friends and we all would greatly appreciate it if he just went away - he is, after all, the one that caused her psychosis... I love this poem I'm going to share it with her and hope that it makes her feel stronger...
JADE RAYNE* -
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Thanks so much Jade. I hope your friend does find her strength, she deserves peace in her life. It is great that she has a strong and loyal friend like you to support her. Blessings, Patty
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Nice work.
Great flow, great metaphors, great grammar.
Good job.
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Thanks so much for your kind comment and the applause. It is appreciated very much. Blessings, Patty
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Great take on the quote. Your flow was good and you painted a picture of strength. Well done in all ways. Pen on...
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Thank you for your kind and thoughtful comment and the applause. It is much appreciated! Blessings, Patty
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Appealing
quite an interesting poem -
Wow! Thank you so much for linking to this; you're right that our poetry is very much related by this subject matter. I love the way you express this message. I really like the whole thing; somehow the first lines of the third stanza feel the most personal to me. You are so right that it is never the victim's fault, and it's so good to see you acknowledging that in this poem. As I said I can really relate to these feelings. Thank you so much for sharing and to pointing me towards this gem!
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Oh! how sad!
Abuse of any kind is hard to bear but familial abuse is the worse! I'm glad to see you throwing off the pain to where it belongs on to the shoulders of the pain giver!
God Bless,
DeGraw
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WOW, this is such a powerful and meaningful write. You have opened up your heart and just poured it all out. I think you have done such a spectacular job here and deserve a trophy for sure on this one. I wish you the best of luck in the contest. Take care.
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I think this is probably one of the most painful writes I've ever read on here, it must've taken guts to write so openly. I hope it was something of a cathartic experience for you. Poetry is one of those processes that can help us deal with such horrendous experiences as you have obviously had to suffer. Thank you for feeling strong enough to share such a powerful and thought provoking write. I admire your courage. Thank you.
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You got it!!!
I see you have a number of comments and suggestions. The changes make this very powerful. You did it up right girl. It is nice when we can build from each other's suggestions and experience. It is so refreshing to meet someone who is open minded enough to maintain their baby while give it room to grow. RC -
Oh Patty, this write brought tears to my eyes.No child should ever have to endure what you have gone through.A parent is suposed to love and protect their child at all times.What your father did to you is utterly discusting and he needs to own up to such a sin.He took away your innocence and your childhood.I hope he goes to hell, I am sure the lord will judge him serverely when his time is up, he will be made to see and feel all his wrong doings,and he will be judged.On the other side of this write, I can feel your strength, and I am so proud that you can stand tall and vent your feelings.Your write will touch alot of people and even give them the strength and courage to stand up to their abusers. Your wordsspeak very powerfully and the last two stanzas are awesome.So much power and determination.I take my hat off to you dear friend, and give you my standing ovation for a well written write.
Keep penning your thoughts and feelings as it is great therapy for our spirits, and I thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. God Bless and much love and happiness .
Your friend
~Angel~
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This is powerful! I think of the child trapped in such a situation and the trauma inflicted on the psyche. And then the adult who has worked so hard to heal from that. I think you have done a wonderful job, both in this write and in your own life. Speaking out like you do can help so many! Exellent! ***Pam***
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Thanks so much for your kind comment Pam. Yes, the trauma is a tough one to heal, and one that never truly goes away. But he lives on as if he has done nothing wrong. My only saving grace is knowing that he will face his own judgement in the end. Blessings, Patty
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This is a well done piece. It has a message and a strong one. I do like the descriptives. Excellent work.
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nice choice
yes.
I like the black background a lot better.
I can just feel the emotion. -
Gross, I'm sorry to hear you suffered that, and I hope you really do find the strength to battle that part of a human that asks for an apology, not for his sake, but yours.
As for the poem, it doesn't make as much sense until I got to read the author's notes, then it sounds good. The problem is you explain the feelings of a situation, but not the situation itself, so we're left wondering in what place your feelings fit.
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Phenomenal
Well written.
Great form. Maybe it would hold a more powerful message if you would change the background to something that appears hard or rough.
This poem means so much to me.
It is exactly how I feel
and the theory of the wall my social worker poses to me.
I really want to give this poem to her.
I don't know how she finds the strength to hold that wall of shame.
Great job!
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Thanks so much for your kind comment. I liked your idea to change to a darker background and did so if you want to look at it again. Thanks for the suggestion. You are welcome to share this if you want. Blessings, Patty
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Powerful
I must admit that on first reading, I was a bit confused....as you switched from him, then to her and I wasn't sure who was behind this wall. Your author notes not only gave clarity but helped drive the impact of each stanza, something about it should feel more forceful (the last two stanzas), in each line I see your resilient strength and determination and resolve which not only made me admire your poem, but you yourself......
P.S....why are some of your sentences beginning with common letters?I know some people just have different ways of formatting ideas, just wanted to know if that was a personal thing.
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Thank you for your kind and thoughtful comment. I originally had periods added at the end of my sentences and had a suggestion that it would make it more powerful to take those out, and just leave the commas. I went back and capitalized each line and I think I do like it better. For me, it just depends kind of on what message I am trying to portray in a write as to how I set it up and punctuate. Thanks again. Blessings, Patty
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In this instance can I ask to see this with only the commas you have carefully provided. Take out the periods to end sentences as they make the wonder of this write less powerful. Make it a poetic atomic bomb rather than a correct use of grammar piece. I would like the opportunity to read it that way. Once you have done that editing, get back with me and let me review it in that format. Anthems don't require periods, only fire and emotions. In fact in poetry they are more effective that way. RC
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Thanks for the advice. I learn something new here all the time and that is wonderful. I'm glad you are back on as I have missed you. But I think I may have told you that already.
The periods are gone. Please tell me what you think now. Patty
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Most Excellent
The note at the end lends strength to the whole piece, and I admire you for writing about a subject that must be at least sensitive, if not painful.
I enjoyed the feeling of vindication throughout, and the victory hard won was most satisfying. This wasn't the response I was expecting, but upon reflection, this was just as pleasing, if not more. I liked how your father became the fool clutching his ignorance and you became the hero who shed their mask and relinquished the walls of shame to him.
It felt like a victory for mankind. And yes, I do know how cheesy that last line sounded, and corny. I'm chill like that.
Once again, most impressive, my thanks to you for entering, and best of luck in the contest!
Tamaska
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I love your show of strength in this write. Excellent poem..best of luck in the contest.
Linda
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A great healing poem. Shows the confidence that you now have to not let him own your life anymore. It is his tragedy that he can and will not admit his wrong. By releasing him you gain control and he loses it.
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it is the only way to heal,
why hold onto something that you do not own,
when you let it go then the power is yours.
excellent healing write
very powerful words
God bless...
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