i saw her spitting and cussing
ambient metal
flying high
spinning and undulating
the cry out
gold floss hanging by a string
look here
generations of fire
spit upon
high upon a hill
an empty house
void
run like the wind
i saw her
flying high to victory
dressed in the profane
what is it you seek
in the soft disposition
of innocence
a voice
over the airwaves
the storm of a decade
silence
she is the phoenix
privelege
dancing across the stadiums
i saw it
with my own two eyes
lightning bolt across the sky
once again on the rise
silence made fertile
by the phoenix
Author notes
Patti Smith the Godmother of American Punk
In a list
A contest entry
- The Asshole's Contest: Good Poet's BORROW, Great Poet's STEAL! by Avatar of Innocence.
1800 points, ended July 5, 2008, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Does Music Soothe Your Soul? by your angers a gift.
440 points, ended September 30, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Who is your inspiration by HollyLouise.
650 points, ended June 1, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How does it make you feel?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
I love this
You use some great vocabulary, which makes me Maybe you could use a different word rather than "spinning" in the beginning because you use it twice.
Good luck in the contest
Holly. -
great write thanks for entering
-
This makes me feel empowered. Though the last line of your poem sums up the poem rather than challenges the reader to be more invested. Your first and second lines were simply astounding. Pity your last line couldn't follow suit though.
-
Thank you
I actually based it on the fact that she was a poet first.. -
Now this piece starts off incredibly strong... harsh almost (but in a good way)... all this spitting and spinning and hanging floss. Yummy stuff. I think it starts losing its intensity with "where is it you're going"... to start a poem off so strongly and then throw that line in there seems to pull back from the places this piece could ultimately go.
The airwaves/decade couplet was lovely, and the repetition following that works really well.
I'm not sure Patti Smith counts, since she's a singer/songwriter, but that's ultimately up to Avatar to decide. I'm just here to offer my opinion on entries, per her request.
I loved this piece though. One of the top four in this contest as far as I'm concerned -
this is a powerful write, but perhaps try putting in punctuation as it might help to get the flow going more but i love the imagery and feeling or anger within this piece. amazing well done
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
