It was a cold and moonlit night
where I lay upon the shore
of an eerie, moonwashed harbour
admiring what lay before...
Diamond pinpricks upon a sky
of delicious midnight blue.
Before me rose sights simply wonderous -
an awe-inspiring view.
Trees jutted from the glassy surface
limbs reaching for the stars.
Lady venus sprawled in mountain form
offered herself to Mars.
I felt as though the galaxy
tried to seduce me 'to its depths.
I watched all this in harmony
absorbing the scene with every breath.
Suddenly, before my eyes
appeared an entity.
Venus herself spread her arms
beckoning to me.
At first I could not believe
the visions 'fore my eyes.
There was a deep long grumbling -
imagine my suprise
when ancient stone lips parted
and eyeless lids snapped wide!
Light pouring from these orifi
centuries solidified.
Gaping, she slowly lifts an arm,
finger curled to tempt me forth.
In a daze I soon had raised,
attracted to her warmth.
What happened past this I'm unsure,
as though hyponotised:
I walked straight into that vast lake,
beckoned by her eyes.
And to this day no person knows
where'er my body rests.
But to myself I always keep
my soul between her breasts.
Author notes
Pic Image:
"Terra Exorcism Surveillance - George Grie"
Sorry about how long you had to wait.
Interesting twist of humour at the end, it wasn't going to go that way, but it rhymed and the person was meant to be by her side, so it does work for me. Also, I feared I was running over length.
I hope it was worth your time, and that you enjoyed the read
Best of luck with the contest!!
A contest entry
- Dark Quickie by Luckintheshadows.
550 points, ended July 4, 2008, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
So, how do you like my soul??
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Beautiful My Dear
It really has a twist between dark and humour and I really enjoyed this write. Simply brilliant and I am sooo proud of you!
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Just loved it..........wonderous imagery!
Jumped out of my chair and applauded all the energy
and clever way you chose to end the poem!
That was brillant writing!
wow!
loved it...blended so beautifully the dark and earthly
fantasy!
you are writing with a strong and powerful voice!
way to write!
ears/Seattle
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Oh me oh my! I absolutely LOVE this, so totally worth the wait!!! I love your wuperb rhyme scheme and imagery, a beautiful take on the prompt, dark, but not depressing, The humour at the end is indeed a marvelous twist, excellent way to end the poem, even if it wasn't planned entirely.
Thanks so much for sharing this, and for entering my contest,
Luck. -
the story is clever and the rhyme scheme is pretty good. the syllabic count needs a few touch ups in places and the word "the" is missing a "t" where it comes before galaxy. otherwise a very nice piece. it made for an entertaining read.
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thankyou so much
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hey, did you get a poem done for this? Just asking because I'm currently judging, if not, please let me know.
Thanks.
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