the schoolyard is a block of asphalt
which makes us sink into the black hole
of nothingness
where every student is a soldier
in a slightly different uniform and with a weapon
which is visible or hidden under words and looks
and smiles which are bullets to the brain
and we dodge those bullets as best we can
until the sign is given to attack our books
which we left behind for a short time
before we shuffle back towards the front line
our feet heavy in the boiling asphalt
trying to ignore those of us who disappear
AWOL because a test that they can't pass is
sniping away at them from unseen corners
and they've gone stir crazy from late nights
where sleep is a grenade disguised as a problem
but here we are fronting up again in a battlefield
where knowledge attacks ignorance and apathy
fights back with guerilla warfare
while tanks wait in the car park where commanders sit in smoke
surveying the carnage and smiling grimly
as they try to take a deep breath before entering
into the fray for one last effort before the battle ends
for them today but not for us as we break into groups
after the final tolling of the bell which frees us for a while
to console each other about the terror of this war
and the way we have handled ourselves in battle
which we hope will bring us peace
because peace is what we want
and if we can't have peace then we need friendship and love
and the opportunity to grow flowers in craters
after the smoke has cleared and the sun can shine again
A contest entry
- Paper Mache && Shattered Glass by CatastrophicSmile.
300 points, ended July 22, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Is this what it is like at your school?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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no, not even your class
I was a spoiled rich kid, now living the shabby Chic life of what ever it is that I do here, but having said that, I am raising my 13 year old step grandson and yes, his school though very rural is still not the safe cocoon I grew up in. I loved how your form left bullet holes on the [age, where thoughts can slip an slid about. Glad Sunoir flagged this one for me to read, way cool write my friend
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wow, no my school is not like this at all
or atleast not to me
this is very powerful i love the spacing
i write the same spacing in my journels
i never thought to rewrite them on the site like that
i loved how it made me feel like i was amidst a war
but on the playground or at a school parking lot
at the same time
i got a very clear picture in my mind
some things i can relate to
like " trying to ignore those of us who disappear AWOL because of a test they can't pass" and " they've gone stir crazy from late nights where sleep is a grenade disguised as a problem"
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This brings back some not so good memories on my part. School was always a double edged sword for me, it was freedom from my parents but hell at the hands of my peers. I love this section:
where every student is a soldier
in a slightly different uniform and with a weapon
which is visible or hidden under words and looks
and smiles which are bullets to the brain
The spacing was a bit off but otherwise I found no fault with this.
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wow, this is a deep poem with two very important meanings. Thanks so much for sharing the enlightenment. UNT
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'whwich frees us'
i think you mean 'which'.
the just describes my school.
'before we shuffle back towards the front line
our feet heavy in the boiling asphalt'
we were forced to walk from building to building ouside. we had two. even when it was snowing and the ground was icy.
you've described a lot of schools here. a little violence, a wish for peace.
it's all very good.
but my favorite line in this was,
'and the opportunity to grow flowers in craters'.
i also like how you broke up some of the lines.
i really love your writing. the imagery is great. i could practically see my classmates with weapons.
and that's scary.
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YES!
You've done it! This is amazing. I enjoy the abstraction of the lines as well as your ending you've added.
I'm a person who loves to always add in something they've done negatively, but the only thing I can see is a typo in line 26, according to the line number thing.
Great work. -
Very nice job.
First of all, I love how the person before me is advertising..
Now to the poem, it's very well written, great metaphors, my favorite being the grenade disguised as a problem.
Only thing I suggest is that proper grammar and punctuation would make the poem flow more smoothly.
Great job!
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Love it!
Are you a college student? If so come chat with fellow education pioneers at www.infoquaria.org ,see ya there!
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