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Velvet and Sandpaper

Silken petals drift lazily
against the early zephyr.
Rosy blushes
flutter on porcelain skin
only to be harshly brushed away
by rough sun-kissed hands
that ruthlessly tear away innocence.
Roses bleed from clipped thorns,
and scattered sakuras
stay silently still.
Afraid to breathe
lest the wind carries it away,
the wittinesses turn pale
when velvet slides against sandpaper,
and no one prevents
the sakuras from turning red.


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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • forbidden-colour
    July 14

    Edit | Reply
    I loved your comparison in your title, this really reeled me in.
    Love the ending two lines.
    Thank you for entering.
    Sophie


  • MaddCuppyCake
    May 15

    Edit | Reply
    amazing. i love ur imagery and contrast and how ur words flowed to gether so well... but i'm not finding a secret confession in here... it may have been too subtle for me to find, but i'd like to know what it is... i'd hate to have to remove this amazing piece


  • Priest Winter
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is quite deep if thought about in the right ways. The only iffy part I noticed was in line 12; you used the word "less" for "lest" seems more appropriate but that's my opinion and I could be wrong. :] Other than that it's a very nicely written out piece. :]
    Blessed be!

    ~Winter~


  • kill the lights
    August 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Uh, wow. This is amaazing.

    Peace & love,
    xx Sin


  • xrain dancerx
    August 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    well its a really good poem but its not really scary or dark. thank u for entering and good lucky!
    *hugs* tay.


  • crimsondew
    August 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A heart touching write here dear...
    Such a short write with a strong impact and imagery!


  • FakingItForReal
    July 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Line 5: it should be 'brushed' not 'brush'

    Other than that I don't know what to say.
    Great use of imagery and flow.
    Though, I think some of your word usage may be too complex, which corrupts the simplistic thought provoking overall feel and message in this poem.


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    July 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wonderful imagery and the emotions brought forth from it


  • myron silver member
    July 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    evocative

    This is an evocative and thoughtful poem which works on a number of levels because of its metaphoric imagery and sad subject matter. It's very moving because it uses poetic techniques and devices, rather than just using overt, emotional statements. This is the way that poetry enters into us deeply, and not just on a superficial level, so congratulations on achieving that. Very impressive work.

    Best wishes in the contest,
    myron.

1 - 9 of 9