Her ears have heard harsh sayings
Her mouth taste the salt of her tears
She felt the abuse wrapped around her
And smelled the rising of her fears
She witnessed hardship all her life
All bounded to her very soul
But she knew there will be a day of salvation
All the horror and terror will be no more
Though it will take time and determination
She knew it will one day come
She tells women like her of her plan
But not through writing or her lips
But through the glimpse of her eyes
A contest entry
- The Eyes Have It by breedluv.
1300 points, ended July 10, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I want to like this poem more. I love the meanings. I am unsure if your initial rhyme was deliberate or accidental. If deliberate, you might want to consider reworking to carry the rhyme all the way through; if accidental, maybe eliminate the rhyme entirely. The initial rhythm is good, might watch your word count on later lines. All in all, a good poem, and with a little work, a great poem.
Russell -
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thank you so much
thank you for your suggestions. most of the time, i don't intend to rhyme in my poetry. i will keep what you said in mind to make a better poem. thank you! =]
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Yes, the eyes can say so much - I wonder what context this is set in . Is it a purely personal abuse or does it have a cultural context?
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