Let not time be thy thought’s measure,
treasure this light shone in our blink,
mink softness, nought but pleasure
leisure gliding o’er rippled ink
and sink deeper into our sense,
immense love in all connection.
Question not a time from whence;
intense hours bid dissection
undermining mindful power
sour-tainting truth. Feelings grown,
sown seeds have bloomed ripe the flower.
Shower’d petals tenderly blown
kissed to thy lips on Skeiron’s breeze.
Tease not the wind to taunt disperse
traversed beyond horizon’d seas,
seize all my love, their scent immerse.
By alby
2.7.2008
Author notes
Lines rhyme abcb on left side and abab on right, using the same rhyming sound from the previous line.
Comments
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Chef-d'oeuvre Magnifique!
Wow, this is so way out of my league... and I'm so proud of you!
Words are in bloom in this stupendous achievement of poetry. On all levels this poem is so striking, I'm so impressed with your natural talents and technical capabilities, I am simply left dumbfounded.
One second or a life time... time is of no value nor of relevancy, when stuck through the heart with cupids arrow, from there love does not grow... it only seasons.1,000 000 clappy things
Ron *wolf*
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Wow, thanks for a million clappy things! lol. You are too kind. I'm glad you liked thi spoem...alby
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Prodigious achievement
It takes an agile mind and a powerful vocabulary to produce the complexity of this poem, but more, and high over all that, is the original challenge of its form. Amera's shadow sonnets have similar repeated two-ended rhymes, but here we have meaning that is not hindered by technical restrictions. In short this is a remarkably easy poem to read.
So that you won't gag on all this praise, there is a homophone in "sewn seeds hath bloomed ripe the flower." It is the difference between sew and sow.
See that? Sew uses thread. Also, seeds have. One seed hath. You have helped many others see what would otherwise have remained hidden and so, with such powerful talent, you have permission to be proud!
Terry
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THANK YOU soooo much!
Ohhh...you blow me away with your praise. I never expected you to say all this!
In regards to the rhyme, I actually made it up myself and haven't seen Amera's sonnets which rhyme like this, but I'm not surprised it has been done before.
Thank you again for the critique...you know I always appreciate that part of your commnets.
I wish I had never deleted my earlier poems off this site...this would have been "Prodigious" number three! (But I still know at least.)
alby
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I do believe your the reincarnated poet from the past. This has the old world feel of a classic poet. Wow, how you do this is amazing to me. I do enjoy reading your work!
Nice job girly!
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Thank you so much for your amazing praise Michelle. It is really appreciated...alby
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the words flow with an undercurrent of some philosophy..lovely poem...
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Thank you for visiting me and commenting...alby
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Promise...sing - variation on a theme
Links mortal, transient, can never measure
treasure timeless thought-waves' ripples show,
mink's softness which tunes in/through endless pleasure
laps leisure dancing over ink lined flow
to sink forever deeper into sense,
dispensing love though shared interconnections,
no need to question causal inklings whence
over analysis might into sections
cut or distort, challenge or compromise
wise intuitions, and, sour-tainting truth,
cover inherent power, for hours disguise
discovery free flight from chains uncouth
may offer springboard to expand fair flower,
way forward to prepare for petals sent,
way forward, sunshine after some Spring shower,
way forward where scent dissipates dissent,
descent unknown as slips from Skeiron's breeze
lips comfort gift, tease not, nor taunt, disperse.
Reverse tide's roll, role tied, the moment seize,
traversing challenge, doubt, doubt challenged, find
serenity beyond horizon's seas
eternity in sand-grain crystal mind ...
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Thank you for your poetic comment. It is always interesting to see your what you do to my words...alby
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Yes real quality and life is found in love and then expressed in time, which we experience in relative and changing ways anyway. Duration in time isn't the 'quality' itself it is secondary to that.
And all is now... wonderful!
Interesting rhyming scheme, the transition from in line 12 'blown' to 'kissed' in 13 follow the same though and I wonder whether making an edit or line break there would be worth considering.
'blown' - 'shown' or 'missed' - 'kissed' ... actually I've got that wrong somewhere does it need another couplet in there or is my head just scrambled... gibber. I think I will leave it for you, sooner you than me and well done!
Sol
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Thank you Sol, for looking into the anatomy of this poem. I know what you mean about not rhyming "blown/kissed." But this would put my rhyme out on the left if I rhymed these two lines. I also do it with "dissection/ undermining " and "ink/and." I originally wrote this as four quatrain stanzas, but then joined them altogether for the flow.
Your comments and critique are always much appreciated especially as you look that bit deeper than most. Thank you again for reading me...alby
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Wow. You get comments like my mother gets junk mail =P. Which is good I might add, lol. I stopped by mostly to see what you were talking about when you mentioned this piece. I have to say I really have enjoyed it. As always... it is a beautiful piece of writing. So all in all I am sorry too, that my contest doesn't allow pre-writes. I just wanted something fresh you know? Seems like that sort of keeps the entries limited to really good pieces, or pieces that are worth looking at rather, if you know what I mean. Hopefully if you get the time you can write me something even more beautiful than this, if that's possible . Best wishes always <3
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Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed this piece. I will try to write something for your contest and hope it meets your expectations...alby
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I am totally speechless...the pattern of this poem is very unique...and poem is great in its power...the first line of this poem is priceless...i rally enjoyed it...thank for sharing and creating such a lovely poem...all the very best...
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Hi there! So glad you liked it Grateful. Thank you for visiting me again...alby
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i don't know what to say other than your poetic style is lethal...injecting chemistry into the soul's soul....runs as water flows through unbreakable mountain peaks. lol (tried to speak poetic...lol) this piece is simply fine!!!!
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You're too kind. Thank you for your embarrassing praise! Now stop it! lol...alby
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Question not a time from whence;
intense hours bid dissection
undermining mindful power
sour-tainting truth. Feelings grown,
sewn seeds hath bloomed ripe the flower.
wonderful, a very purified English i liked it alot
True poetry
by
The poet of hearts and beautiful words -
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Thank you for your comment...alby
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lovely write, but time is important, too much so to waste. such feelings you have recorded, fills the mind with pleasant thoughts.
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True, time is the stuff life's made of and we shouldn't waste it, but I am not saying that time isn't important in this poem. I am saying...don't let the short time we have known each other be indicative of the depth of our love, for this love that is felt is immense.
Thank you for your comment. Glad you liked it...alby
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yes, i would agree. wonderful to appreciate the immense quality of love. love is the glue for all things. TY my friend.
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This is very powerful writing to me. It is rich in meanings (subtle as they are) and depicts an emotional treasure house of mysterious range. This is a piece worth contemplation for sure. Here were my favorite lines: "Question not a time from whence;
intense hours bid dissection
undermining mindful power
sour-tainting truth." This style is magnificent (to say the least). Very well done.
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Thank you for such an amazing comment... "depicts an emotional treasure house of mysterious range." Am I still mysterious?...yet not all white, Haha!..alby
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this was intense and beautiful.
i loved your style.
great write.
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Thank you for your brief comment, it said so much...alby
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It was as if..
..in a dream, I fell to inhale the words of love's
cast'd spell..love the way you write so well! l.o.l.
in other words this was beautiful! good job poetess!
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I go from "String" to pulling heart strings! lol. Glad you liked this write, wasn't sure if this middle English style would be your Cup of tea, but I'm happy that it is. I love this style of poetry and tried to do it justice...alby
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Live in the moment and sieze love when it passes your way. I was hooked by the first line "Let not time be thy thought’s measure" and hanging on to the end. Your use of (I think) Romantic language brings to mind Shelly or Keates. Wonderful work!
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You know I love the romantic era of the 1800's and I tried my best to write true to that era, so I thank you for saying it reminded you of Shelly or Keates. Happy you liked it Mike...alby
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This is just the ease and the sentiment expressed in the era you are portraying here, the rhyme scheme is an added bonus. Line eleven is my expression of point of view,along with a 10.
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You opinion on this style is so appreciated. I tried to keep it as much as possible to the period so in saying what you have, has really made me feel good about it. Nice to have a friend familiar with this period to give an educated opinion...alby
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whew...what a mouthful...what a mindful...emotions, liveliness....imagery...tasteful. this piece speaks out loud, yet with soft crys. well done. i loved this line: ""Tease not the wind to taunt disperse" put together nicely.
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So glad you like my writing. Thank you WWW...alby
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Very well written. I loved the style you used to write this also.
Well done..
Soulful Woman
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Thank you Soulful Woman. Nice of you to comment. Glad you liked it...alby
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What a lovely choice in words. I thought it was really nice and sweet. I've never read a poem like this, rhyming the way you did. It was really good. I hope to read more from you.
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Thank you for your lovely comment. I just made up the rhyme sequence so I don't know if it's been done before, but I had fun with it...alby
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Ahhhhhhhhhhh time. Immeasureable time. It flows continously in one direction. neither fast or slow, always onward, one direction. to be used wisely, tis short, the time in our lives. Too precious to waste, each moment is a created memory to sustain and endure, as we reflec on what used to be, or what was.
Such depth is here within this write. I have many feelings while reading and thinking as I read. the flow of emotions, and love, yes it needs to be seized, while time exists for it. Thank you my friend for your words of wit.
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Big smile for you Jules...You are always there right when I post! lol. You don't miss a beat of me do you! I like that and glad you liked this write.
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thank you as I liked this poem. very nice and thoughtful.
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