Do you feel the down
of blanket’s comfort in snow
and sunshine's warmth?
Co-dependent of her
nurturing
She enables
Non-stop
Doesn't’t She?
Indulgence in ever-flowing gifts
and solid wonder’s sparkle
made of ore
and clay
and stones
from dirt
much like
humanity
stole and sold
from sale to
sell to
cell to
Sailing
Come
lay your head
on mother's breast child
Listen to my heart beat
Let it thump away
your motion sickness
Fresh water tides
to smile yourself
to paradise
If I had my druthers
I would take flood waters and
drench those fiery woodlands to mud
But mine is not total control
or force of will to excite
or still the ebb and flow
There is yet
greater than me
Soon
we will ALL have
to
work to-get-her
A swift gust tipped
the seventh vile over
Vapors spilled out
onto the edge of imagination
this morning
Say Eight
A contest entry
- Loose yourself into Largeness by Thoughts-of-Soloman.
1750 points, ended July 11, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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what pulls us through this poem is the rhythm, the pull of the words and the way they dance together and apart. I also loved the way the title and the last line connected. The part I felt was the strongest was also the part I connected to not only for the flow but also for the words "from dirt/ much like/ humanity" and a few others. The part that seemed out of place (and this is probably because I don't see more deeply) is "but mine is not total control..."
It is beautiful, I wish I could understand it, see more deeply into its depths
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"But mine is not total control
or force of will to excite
or still the ebb and flow"
I am so very grateful that I am Not in "total control"!
The line you quoted simply means; I am not in total charge of what happens in my life. There is a greater force we must reckon with, All of us!
Your comment was generous and I thank you for the constructive critique you've shared.
Much Love & Respect ♥
Renee
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Very deep. depth beyond total understanding yet clarity between the lines. Soon, we WILL have to work to-get-her, you know it. Thanx for the mind boggle, conni
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I agree with the wow wow wow. I haven't read many lately. This was such a surprise. Well done.
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Just say eight, wow impressive write. Someday we will all have to work together! Is right indeed! Lovely write as usual. ~Sie
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I read:
7 days of creation?
Manifest qualities felt, I love the snow and sunshine.
Yes, the qualities known by contrast which are co-dependent in relativity.
Which ever continues.
Or does it?
Lavished richness to our needs.
Man fashioned from mud.
Mankind's exploitation to the point of alteration of nature.
Sailing - natural movement?
This seems natural enough.
Clean life
'druthers' - water carriers? Sorry, not in my dictionary.
Is this Nature contemplating its own power?
This is what I read here at present.
There is that which moves in and with Nature, including us, which is intimately connected with the bringing about of things.
Not all factors of cause and effect are necessarily seen.
We can wonder about that.
Creation is still in progression.
----------------------------
Your 'write' seems very rich and also engaging, which I like. I am not entirely certain about having interpreted as intended, perhaps it wasn't intended to be so as I am still left with some curiosity. I hear the end part as a call to awareness, in order to be responsive to our global condition and for our connectedness with Nature around us and in which we live.
I will be looking back again before the final judging and please feel free to respond if you so wish.
Sol
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It worked
It conjured up the Earth for me, and suggested greatness of the universe. Well worth a read, thank you -
Interesting poetry, not my style at all I'm afraid but we are all here to learn
Glad to have read it
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Oh, shades of revelations. That seventh vile poured out much like you poured your heart out here. You have a way of waking old thoughts and emotions that have rested undisturbed for years. Good luck in the contest.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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interesting
you have been doing a lot of indepth poetry... I am soo loving it.
Yvonne
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well done
Flows well. Strong imagery. Thought provoking. I especially like: "But mine is not total control / or force of will to excite / or still the ebb and flow."
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image maker
you have a knack it seems for great images wrapped here in these thoughts .. really makes the reader think
good stuff here -
this is very good and awsome POEM..the way u put thoughts and flow into and how it broke and changed a lot, very good, love the flow, keep up the good work
angel
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It's been a while since I've read your work Renee
and I must admit, that you never cease in amazing me with your flow and incredible imagery within your words. This was indeed something, thought provoking.
Wishing you and your family well.
-ephiphany
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I liked it very much. I enjoyed how the form broke and changed, and the way it seems to untie peace and turmoil all together. Nice work.
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Whoe!!!!
Outstanding philosophies and word craft!
Outstanding.
Very wonderful write old friend!
wolf
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excellent
Well done imagery and innuendo is perfect....abstarction runs through the lines..but meanings are not lost.You have kept the balance.I read in these lines....were there two emanings?
If I had my druthers
I would take flood waters and
drench those fiery woodlands to mud
please visit some of my poetry for some real good abstarct moments that nevertheless convey sharp messages. -
A wonderful abstract poem, with many thoughts.... thanks for sharing! Vickie
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an amazing write! so many thoughts provoked by this poem, extremely inspiring, and well worth the read! fantastically penned, Nice job!
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Great
I love the natural rhythm of this piece,
the imagery is great, and the format is loose and fits it well.
Great write.
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The busy angels of the inner city, the book of revelations, to black diaspora, mother of the world like Ethiopia spreading wings; I had many vivid moments while reading this, on a scale...like a cosmic scale...wonderful...PK
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I'm awed by the story here. I loved the imagery too. Just one thing. Not sure what line but somewhere toward the middle it shoud be would but says wouuld. Great write!
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What a very lovely write!! you did such a wonderful job with creating a vivid and detailed image!! I really loved the story that you told here..Thanks for sharing it with us!
Best of luck!
Angel
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Hmmm. Not my style and somewhat beyond my limited comprehension. Good luck.
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nice work! And great grasp of abstract where imagery and messages are clear yet connections remain obscure as the reader is left to think and draw conclusions.
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Very nice.
Best of luck.
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Hi friend, been awhile didn't check your work untill I saw this piece in feature box..and as your usual creativity..this is fantastic piece no exception..nice journey within your words..I am in the same contest too if you care to check my entry ..will appreciate it. Best of luck my friend
Ruby
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Maybe we all are just searching for love...
The way our mother introduced us to love...
To get you have to give, to live
to live large, give large
Large enough to love
a planet
The countdown is on... -
Wow, this just bowled me over! This is so deep. I read it several times and loved it even more each time. I am amazed by the "largeness" you have created here. Bravo!
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Thank you for your wonderful entry into this contest.
All the best with the judging.
Sol -
"stole and sold
from sale to
sell to
cell to
Sailing"
Like lots, sis. Not what I expected but it's hard to anticipate what you'll write about. LOL Jeez Louise, what a wonderful read! Keep 'em coming, sweetie. Write on. One.
Dez
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WOW WOW WOW!
Oh my goodness, you took me on that unsure ,and unsafe trip, yet had me comforted in your busom where I felt secure in the knowlwedge everything was gonna be alright! Thank you for the fantastic (mental)journey my friend!
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