Breathing

As the dawn is breaking, the sun over the corn
my alarm goes off, I get up, put on my uniform
feed my kitties, grab my caffine fix and I'm out the door
unlock my car, sit behind the wheel, focus on the road
turn my music on,
find that perfect song
to sing my heart's emotion and and try not to let it show
try not to think about what he's doing, what he's thinking

Get to work, park my car, walk in, check my space
say hello to everyone, sometimes with a smile on my face
get through the morning fine, too busy to concentrate on my heart
Lunch rolling around, everyone deciding what to eat, waiting on the microwave to start
I leave, can't talk anymore, gotta pay bills or just need some air,
get back in the car, drive away, turn back on the music, brush back my hair
Get to Wendy's, Mickey Dees, or just a gas station, don't know if I can really eat
trying to swallow the anvil in my chest, causing heartburn and nausea, but it just keeps on

Speed back to work, cause I'm usually late, walk to my counter and wish time hurries
co-workers cracking up, making conversations that are funny, watching all everyone scurry
five o'clock rolls about, we all leave, flying out the door, sometimes I just walk
I don't want to go home, I wait on Kaila or Kellie or Mack so we can talk
As we all leave, my music is turned up, pushing all the heartache out the way
so I can't hear it, can't feel it, but just under the surface it lingers
waiting on the perfect opportunity to peek out and inject its stinger
And I see a camaro and my heart jumps, but it's not orange and my face falls

Home I am, busying myself with tasks and chores to be done,
feed my Lady, check the pool, thinking the whole time , " I wish he was here"
things he used to say in my head following me all about the yard, sending me into tears
I go into the house, talk to mom and dad , " I miss your parents " he said once
by now my heart is bleeding, head is pounding, can't breathe without a sharp pain cutting
his face, his smile, his laugh, his love searing my soul and everything in me shuts down
I escape into my room, squinching my eyes shut until they hurt so no one can see
the door shuts, tears flood down my cheeks, my nose, as I'm hugging my knees

Mom bangs on the door, no privacy at all, announces supper is ready
I tell her I will get some later, regret and sadness fill my belly
the dusk is nigh and lights are dimming, no moon to see,no star are shining
I dress in my pjs, his old work shirt and shorts, even if it doesn't smell like him
On my knees I get, to pray my nightly wish, that he comes back, forgives my foolishness,
lets me know I'm the only one he wants, and that we have a future together forever
In the end I try to imagine him, what he's doing now, then when it starts hurting too much,
the lights go out I imagine him beside me, loving me, letting sleep come but it's in vain