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the way we used to be

 

 

 

 

I feel like I'm freezing. Like any minute

my body will cease to function; due to the numb.

 

Inside I yearn for Summer. For starry skies 

& nights spent on the porch swing;

snuggled against your chest.

 

Tonight, let's keep each other ablaze; awaken

the flames that faded long ago.

 

This cold is too much. The way it pinpricks skin

& glazes your eyes; let's pretend that love

still exists in this place.

 

Indulge me in fantasies of us; let's make love.

Even if it's only to appease the ache

for heat that hovers my flesh.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments


  • fortyninereasons silver member
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    oh... A different take on the prompt. Thank you so much for your entry. Juls


  • adsaige gold member
    July 3

    Edit | Reply

    hm, perhaps the night brings out
    the perfectionist...or lacky in me,
    but i feel like the pace and flow
    of this was too rocky and shaky which
    is saying alot compared to your usual
    poetry.

    this stanza:


    I feel like I'm freezing. Like any minute
    my body will cease to function; due to the numb.

    and this stanza:

    Inside I yearn for Summer.

    For starry skies & nights spent on the porch swing;

    snuggled against your chest.

     

    read like two different voices to me. Perhaps

    it is meant to be that way, but i feel the ...

    confusion and alternating flow of this

    piece confuses the subject and takes away

    from the intimate setting you created.

     

    sorry to sound negative.

    perhaps a fine-toothed comb through

    might yield better results?


  • thepoetsings
    July 1

    Edit | Reply
    So I thought I was going to tell you which stanza was my favorite. But as I read again, I realized I can't tell you because I like them all, for different reasons. Good write!