She allways cried when she saw me,
and I would allways ask her "baby, why"?
"I believed it was real. I saw you grasping for air,
the fire stole it all, then you rose like dark smoke.
You flew from me, and vanished in the air."
Then from chains in the cage of angst,
a smile would run to her blessed face.
Once again I would whisper, with deep honesty:
"I'd rather sell my soul, than be dying in your eyes.
The love you give me, is keeping me alive."
Alone we were two wells, dried up in the desert.
Together we were water, running like the rivers.
Forever floating in the ocean of our love.
Then chains of lightning from above came,
to strike my girl with a blast of fear.
A new person now was added,
another guard for her prisonwalls.
Now she'd never smile with me, only pray Thee for forgiveness;
"Dear Father I have sinned, I'm a lion in your garden,
cut these chains, and let me go."
My baby prayed, oh how she prayed:
"Please, let there be water."
Then she took a long run,
oh she took a long run;
and dived into herself.
A contest entry
- Jessi-Desensytized a.k.a. BabyChronic0304 *OPTIONS* by Jessi-desensytized.
450 points, ended August 13, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything you want by MrCrepsley.
600 points, ended September 10, 2008, 195 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Friends of Yesterday by RogueShadow.
1200 points, ended December 17, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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so touching^_^
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this is very creative and different.
the imagery was magnificent.
thanks and best of luck
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wow!
a very imteresting write! it was beautiful and very unique! >.< a creative piece i gotta say! your words were raw and filled with such deep emotions and it also had stunning imagery! keep penning, this was truely brilliant~
AWESOME!
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Such vivid, detailed imagrey portrayed excellently through this poem. Amazing piece of writing, best of luck in the contest! keep on penning.
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Beautiful
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creative
I liked the feel of it and the emotions that are played out in it. A sad tale that is all to true in romance. nicely written. Image and visions -
This was a really interesting poem..The image was sad and vivid with so much detail.. I really liked the story line that you created.. The flow was nice and smooth except at the end.... On the end of the fifth stanza,"Oh please Oh, Please Oh, let me go" I believe that the three "ohs" kind of ruined the flow for that section.. But other then that I really liked it.. you did a wonderful job.. I wish you the best of luck in the contest..
Angel
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