Passing by
screens
of shop display
windows
And slender girls
in lace
leaning down over
gardens
It’s a dock worker
in the dark
gliding open boat
that
stops
Comments
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Good imagery, and the spacing of the lines is unique... reminds me of dirty pretty. Slows down the poet effectively and works quite well to that extent. The images do project the scene of a dock worker gliding past everything... so the word "stops" at the end surprised me and really ended everything. So it's technically a good poem.
However, poetry is always about expression, so you may want to think of the message or emotion you want to convey... is it perhaps loneliness, as a dock worker could be alone while the world seems to rush by? Or maybe that sudden stopping... this is a good poem and definitely something you can build on.
So those are my suggestions...
Shya
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