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Optimistic Thoughts and Growing Smiles

Waking up, I do not smile
Cause usually its not my style

Optimistic thoughts while you’re around
But only when I’m with you four 

You whisper words of comfort in my ear
And tell me there’s nothing to fear

You’re the only ones I need to keep me going
And that why when I wake up my heart can keep glowing

If you die, so will I
Because I need my optimistic thoughts
And I need your warm hearts, and happy emotions

My smile growing for you, knowing
No longer that it is painted on my face
For, it is thanks to your warm embrace

My true happiness found in you four


To my best friends, Libby Lauren Zach and Ricardo

Author notes

i'm 14, my best friends...libby rounds (shootingstarz13) lauern lee (lemonhead) zach rounds (e-elric) and ricardo jeanty (critical jive)


Luv ya

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Symphony
    October 15, 2008

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    Such a sweet dedication; you are lucky ot have friends like this

    one suggestion, the verse;
    "Optimistic thoughts while you’re around
    But only when I’m with you four "

    As a reader, I got the idea that it was supposed to be "for" not "four" and didn't realise that you were right until I got to the author notes. For that reason, i would suggest editing it a little, maybe something like this;

    "Optimistic is what you make me do
    Whenever i'm around the four of you"

    or something like that? what do you think?

    Lovely work anyway well done


  • SingPraiz4Hym
    July 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A nice tribute to your friends and how much they mean to you. You asked for some input too and I found the flow not quite there and in some places you rhyme. Keep on writing. You feel what you are writing and it shows. Good luck.


  • silverscent gold member
    July 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is very sweet. The first two line made me smile because the line "not my style" reminded me of something my boyfriend says. Anyway thanks for entering.


  • Critical Jive
    July 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    *thumbs up*

    XD
    Oh, what do we have here? A poem for me[Ricardo ownz*err i guess zach,lauren, and libby do too...*]? You shouldnt have~ *blushes*
    Nice job. Keep it up kid-oh.
    Sidenote: I'll be here forever ^_^


  • FelineMuse
    July 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like it. Sweet, open. The randomly sprinkled rhyming added spice without being too jarring.


  • GossamerAlice
    July 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Aww, this is cute!
    I can really identify with this! My best friends are like -everything- in my life. ^_^
    This is great- Good luck in the contest!


  • lemonhead
    July 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ah! Im first to comment yay! I LOVE it! yay and dont worry Lauren will never die! Even if you want her to haha! Neither will Zach, Libby, or Ricardo! We're here for you Always!

1 - 11 of 11