The Final Countdown
For My life
My organs rotting
My ending strife
The Clouds are blackening
The Rain starts to poor
My wish is fulfilling
I don't wait anymore
No more prelonging "treatments"
Which the doctors try and prescribe
Living on these pills
Is stopping me being alive
My last glittering few hours
As I rest in my bed
My energy is draining
My eyes blood shot red
My heart starts to murmur
I can feel it slipping away
A smile of joy on my face
I check the time of day
Now I go and close my eyes
And slowly rest down my head
For when the time tomorrow comes
I know I will be dead
Tell me what you think, I really do want some honest feedback
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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All these lines are veryy good,Just reading this one poem from you makes you sound like a veryy good poet!Veryy good words and this is how people feel,its so sad and true!Im just wondering do you write about things that happen to you,Or the people aroun you?Or do you just write? Veryy Nice poem though!
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Fluffy
The idea I was trying to get accross was the fact that the person in this situation took control and stopped taking the meds because they were controling their lives, the glittering was about, it was to show an essence of freedom...... Because for the few remaining hours they were doing what they wanted, not being restricted by pills....
This poem is not one of suicide, but it is a poem of grasping freedom even if it does cost the life, the idea was that although the person involved doomed themselves to death by not taking the pills it meant they could have a few happy hours without being behind the constrictions of taking them........
I understand what you are saying about the rain....
I believe i've written something about happiness and dancing in the rain,,,, A long while back.....
Thank you for your comment
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well, to start my favorite lines were 'No more prelonging "treatments"
Which the doctors try and prescribe
Living on these pills
Is stopping me being alive'
those lines were beautiful...really going on i noticed that the poem is very dark (obivously) i love dark poetry. People always associate 'rain' with sadness though that's the only part i didn't like. Rain can be a sign of happiness too...(ever danced in the rain?)
when you say 'these last few glittering hours it didnt really make sence...your dying and all right?glittering just doesn't seem like the right words to put in there.
I would have chosen...'my last few fading hours' sounds better to me.
wonderful poem,keep up all the good work.
~maddie
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I don't know where to start. Very dark. I can't concieve of going through this. You show that sometimes being willing to die is the only way to truly live.
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Oooh, definite darkness lingering throughout these lines. I liked it.
"No more prelonging "treatments"
Which the doctors try and prescribe
Living on these pills
Is stopping me being alive"
Definitely my favorite lines. Especially the last one. Wowww this poem portrayed so many emotions. Loved ittt. Keep writing♥
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