Oh stranger!
Owner of my heart
That was the end,
When you left me and depart,
Nothing remain with me,
But just to think of thee,
Oh stranger!
In my life,
You came like a guest,
And I wait for you the rest,
Oh stranger!
Why you come in my life,
Like a flash of light,
Oh stranger!
Why he is still stranger to me?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I have the sense of someone loving another from afar...a passing "stranger" who catches the eye and heart...illusory. The imges are very good, but the language is a bit off. I agree with the suggestions of Mordegast below. That would greatly improve the flow and tighten up the rhyme scheme a bit. Peace, Rhonda
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this is so wonderful , Bravo !!!!
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Wonderful
Very creative and well done. Thank you for sharing
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I noticed the comment about "left me and depart"... Well I was thinking it would make sense and sound just as good if you changed it to "left me to depart"...but it's just a thought. And 'remain' should be 'remained'. Maybe 'why' could be "why'd". Just suggestions..
I mention those things because otherwise this is a satisfying read. It's heartfelt from the first, and I can feel the emotion desolation that comes from the emptiness left behind.
I liked 'like a flash of light'...as if that person were an epiphany. It is a lesson, but if it's worth anything than we can't forget the person no matter what they do. If our feelings were strong enough, they'll survive the test of time.
And this poem is strong. Good work.
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Thanks for you valuable comments and suggetion. I will try to use these. Thanks a lot. I hope the same for you in the future. thanks again!
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This poem crosses both love and death, I think and in such, it's meaning is wide.
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very very nice work here the tone is open and it flows together very well
i love this peice
sometimes though you can't explain whats really going on why someone just pops up in your life and what there purpose is
very nice work
thank you for sharing
keep up the great work
kitty23
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Nice,
I like the tone of this piece a lot. Your poetic voice is somewhat restricted by the awkward rhymes (eg. Owner of my heart/when you left me and depart [depart should grammatically be departed but that doesn't quite work with the rhyme]). The repeating verse "Oh stranger" is effective and adds a central phrase and theme to the poem. Overall you did a great job getting this thought onto the page. Well done!
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Very beautifully worded, a lament that so many can share but can be a burden made lighter when it is written about so beautifully as you have.
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Thanks for you comments, sorry i miss AP for some days, thanks a lot. be happy
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Excellent write here
Often we are left behind by ones we love but in the leaving one must not ever think it was their fault . Dont ever blame yourself instead know it wasnt your loss it was theirs for they shall one day know this love they so had before them was the best there was. You pick yourself up and get out there and know your heart and love you have to share for no one can ever take that away for its yours to stay
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sad
sad but insightful write .. liked "Owner of my heart" and "You come like a guest" . . good ending
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