~~~~~
I wish I had a whip
that could rip open
the skin of a day
and let it bleed
each moment
with the sting of the air
licking its tender hurt
with wet warm kisses
~~~~~
Author notes
http://omni-nominis.deviantart.com/art/080108-74132299
A contest entry
- ennui by ellipsist.
450 points, ended July 15, 2008, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I can completely see why this won gold. It is stunning and so... original.
Plath-like, and yet completely innovative, it fit the contest so well.
I love the contrasts of the "sting", "hurt", "whip", rip "open", "bleed", etc... with "tender" and "warm."
Beautiful write. Congratuatlions on your much deserved gold. Also, I will have to add you to my favorites, if you do not mind.
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wow.
(the lower case "wow" is not sarcastic, it's just an exclamation - albeit a little one) -
me too... me too...
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Great write, I really enjoyed it, though I could probally find better uses for a whip, lol!
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I actually found this quite uplifting. Thought the imagery is somewhat dark, there is a brighter message at the end. Writing like this takes me back to my own memory lane...Underneath a starry sky with too many wishes that all ended in a timeless fashion. A very personal jot from you that seems to speak of how a poem becomes. How it changes and follows your movements.
Nicely penned.
;
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well now that's some powerful imagery! way to use those sensory words.
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