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~~~~~

 

 

I wish I had a whip

that could rip open

the skin of a day

and let it bleed

each moment

with the sting

of the air

licking its tender hurt

with wet warm kisses



~~~~~

Author notes

http://omni-nominis.deviantart.com/art/080108-74132299

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? Line numbers
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • I can completely see why this won gold. It is stunning and so... original.
    Plath-like, and yet completely innovative, it fit the contest so well.
    I love the contrasts of the "sting", "hurt", "whip", rip "open", "bleed", etc... with "tender" and "warm."
    Beautiful write. Congratuatlions on your much deserved gold. Also, I will have to add you to my favorites, if you do not mind.


  • ellipsist
    July 9
    Edit | Reply
    wow.

    (the lower case "wow" is not sarcastic, it's just an exclamation - albeit a little one)
  • me too... me too...

  • Great write, I really enjoyed it, though I could probally find better uses for a whip, lol!


  • I actually found this quite uplifting. Thought the imagery is somewhat dark, there is a brighter message at the end. Writing like this takes me back to my own memory lane...Underneath a starry sky with too many wishes that all ended in a timeless fashion. A very personal jot from you that seems to speak of how a poem becomes. How it changes and follows your movements.

    Nicely penned.

    ;

  • well now that's some powerful imagery! way to use those sensory words.

1 - 6 of 6