Tainted absolution mirrored
in caked souls dissolving
feint of light staked
through the blues
of adolescence
Twisted tears of shunned
discovery
prisoner to
oneself
Tho not of thy
making
feted dreams
curse thy
soul
The stigma of
innocence
cradled by
the devil
In this my
Kodachrome
portrait
Hung in the
gallery
of the feasting
beast
Author notes
art by; OrionFisher.deviantart/Self Portrait,Study Revisited
A contest entry
- BIG Points picture semi-quickie!!!! COME SEE! by sailor ptolema.
1700 points, ended July 7, 2008, 29 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
-
OH MY JESUS GOD, how the hell did you come up with this?!! Looking at the picture, I would've written crap. Honestly.
"Tainted absolution"
Love the word 'absolution', and to have absolution tainted...that's awful!!
"in caked souls"
Well, this is certainly a very non-tasty context for 'caked'...great phrase.
"through the blues of adolescence"
Haha!! I'm a teenager now...I know what you're talking about
"slummed discovery"
Love this...it's so bleak and depressing and awesome.
"feted dreams"
Very poetic.
"curse thy soul"
Ouch..Truly powerful.
"The stigma of innocence cradled by devil"
I love this...the devil can tarnish innocence like a mud bath.
"Hung in the gallery of the feasting beast"
Damn, I love this!! Who is this feasting beast, and why is he gnoshing on you specifically? LoL, this is a really good write...personally, I would've given this Gold. =D Very well-deserved Silver though.
-
-
taiinfinite
glad you enjoyed this read, and your reply at the end made me laugh yes who is he and why is he lol im sure you have your own snappin at you heels lol -
-
If you say so, Mr. Awesome Poet
-
-
-
Really like the way you wrote about this graphic, nice work, congrats on the silver
-
Wow this is a very powerful pen, excellent flow very talented write
-
-
taiinfinite
thanks for your kind comments. it just flowed out even i was suprised when the pen went into old form lol
-
-
Wonderful work here with a great
flow throughout! Well done and
thanks for sharing it here!
Jeremy0826 -
this is such a beautiful write and the words flow throughout it. the depth is deep and strong and I love it.wel done
-
It's interesting. I like the way they go with the picture, and I like the way it flowed.
-
Your words are so beautiful and it flows so well... I love the depth you gave this with your style, not caring about the rules of modern and old writing. I really love the depth and the emotions this is filled with. Wonderful work!
-
Awesome.
-
great writte
-
hey u were right i can relate
-
This sounds very well and makes a subtle link to the disturbed picture prompt. However I can't make tops nor sides of it particularly as there is the odd (for me) way that it slips from thy to my, from archaic to modern, and then refers to a Kodachrome. Beautifully shaped though.
-
ok...
first, let me tell you...
I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVE!
this write. it's so amazing...
i can't find the words to describe the feelings you get from reading it...
and it's very rare that i am speechless.
You couldn't have chosen a more perfect picture for this poem...
and the words you chose were flawless,
it's hard knowing that you are your own worst enemy,
while at the same time, you're holding yourself captive... -
-
taiinfinite
remiss of me to say thankyou so much for reading and enjoying, -
taiinfinite
thankyou for your kind comments,yes we ourselves are so often the bars that keep us held
-
-
oh. my . gosh. this is phenomenal!!!!!
love this, your form, diction, and execution of everything is great!!!!!
Tainted absolution mirrored
in caked souls dissolving>>>>>an excellent vocabulary usage here, and
a smashing start to the poem, catches your attention! "caked souls">>> sounds like they're floundering in darkness...
In this my
Kodachrome
portrait
Hung in the
gallery
of the feasting
beast
>>>>>>>>>>>>.these are great, great lines!
you blew the sprinkles off my cupcake with this one!!!
"Kodachrome" >>>.great word
and the final stanza... geepers, so very dark and chilling, gave me shivers to be sure!
love the word gallery...>>>it draws so many images to mind, I think of a long always with souls embedded in their fiery paintings, hope dripping slowly , as a dark shadow, rips them off one-by-one and consumes them... (that's what came to my mind
)
you've done so very well with the difficult picture I've given you!
thank you for entering and g'luck!!
Sailor Ptolema
-
-
taiinfinite
thanks for reading, and for your comments luved the prompt it was a mirror lol -
-
-
-
Wow nice job here, dark and deep. Love, C
-
That last stanza gave me a shiver.. the whole thing is fantastic and I can so relate to being a prisoner to oneself!
Fantastic write~
-
-
taiinfinite
thankyou it was a great pic to write from it was as i was feeling, cheers
-
-
You have been nominated for our group!!!
-
An excellent take on the image here. Pained, and beautifully conveyed - so much depth coursing within these lines. Truly poignant!
-
-
taiinfinite
thankyou so much for your kind comments -
-
You are very welcome! I hope you get some amazing response!
-
-
-
Wow, this pic is kind of creepy!
This whole thing makes me feel so eerie... Maybe that is the point here... So well done, putting the feeling to the portrait
Best of luck
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 29 of 29
