Time passes in the outside world but here remains the same.
Written in a trembling hand, the final words explain
that this room was to stay unchanged, a conditional bequest,
and with his final breath was born a room possessed.
In the darkest hours, when the moonlight falls just right
a melody, more felt than heard, gently disturbs the night.
A song of unrequited love, each note forms a part
of a never ending composition of a broken heart.
When he was alive, the composer, collected with such care,
the greatest works of love and gently placed them there.
He believed that somewhere in them he would find a verse
with just the perfect words that would end his lovers curse.
He toiled throughout his life time with increasing sadness.
Each year of his struggle marked a descent into madness.
He knew the answer lay there – the words to make him whole,
so he bargained with the devil. For more time, he’d trade his soul.
Each word, each phrase would call to him and could not be ignored.
He’d carefully transcribe them into sharps and clefs and chords.
He had formed a vision in his heart, born of love felt deeply,
that salvation from his pain lay in the perfect symphony.
The music became his passion, it meant more than life.
His obsession become paramount, it was as if a knife
had cut away the world. His mind was finally twisted
so that only he and the music remained…nothing else existed.
As all things worldly, over time, we return to dust.
His love is gone but he still writes because he must.
Of life, of love, of peace he is totally bereft.
The devil never loses. Time is all that’s left….
Author notes
For Sailor… I hope you think I did your picture justice…
Prompt: Picture
Picture Credit: http://nibor.deviantart.com/art/The-Library-2373429
A contest entry
- BIG Points picture semi-quickie!!!! COME SEE! by Sailor Ptolema.
1700 points, ended July 7, 29 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tired of HM's? (II) by PatheticKt.
600 points, ended August 12, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical Comments Always Welcome
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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wow this is amazing
goodjob on the gold!!
i liked all the imagery
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Why thank for the read and comment... It was fun to write and seemed to flow from the image (Hmmmm maybe ghosts do exist
)... Ken
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You definitely did some justice with this write This poem has that potential to be one of those great masterpieces, all right ^^
Ok, I definitely love the theme behind here- surreal and yet beautiful especially with the melancholy and desperation the composer felt & how it grew in every stanza then remains at the end- wonderful, just wonderful
I don't know, I think there are some parts here to critique but the critique will sound trivial, anyway so I'll just let it slide . . .
. . . excellent poem you got here, I don't think I'll ever write something like this at all
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Thank you for the honor and for the critique (wish you'd done more would love to know what you saw that I didn't) I'm sure you will write an "epic" someday... I didn't attempt it until I had written a couple of hundred smaller ones... so be patient... you'll find your inspiration and you'll see
Thanks again,
Ken
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Profound and Powerful Masterpiece!!!
Outstanding!!! The following is a great stanza - I had an idea that in line two, just something that came to mind - you can disregard if you like - I thought of using the word 'probes' in place of 'disturbs'- for some reason it appeared in my mind when I read this. I really like this poem, and I especially love the image you've used, invoking your special brand of surrealism once again, and it seems to draw the reader into an unknown, mysterious realm... all in all, this is quite an awesome and creatively written story of the highest caliber. I sense a winning trophy here:
"In the darkest hours, when the moonlight falls just right
a melody, more felt than heard, gently disturbs the night.
A song of unrequited love, each note forms a part
of a never ending composition of a broken heart."
Thank you for sharing your beautiful poem with me today, I'm wishing all the best to you!!! Peace, Cyn
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Masterful
Wonderfully written and masterfully spoken piece of artwork you have here.
Great poem my friend!
wolf
. Rewarded 4
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sad
sad but beautiful write for the prompt . . well done for a longer write . . liked "Time passes in the outside world but here it remains the same" and "The music became his passion, it meant more than life" . . well done !!
. Rewarded 4
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you have almost taken on a romantic tragedy that has a hint of evil in it in this one ...
I must say that every time I read one of your writes there is ALWAYS a story to them that just seems to fill the page and insists that I pay attention.
Well done on this one - I enjoyed it tremendously! (as always your flow and rhyming was superb!)
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Brilliant work Ken!!! This is wonderful. This picture is divine anyway and you've told an captivating story with it. It's exquisite! Really, really well done.
Now, on a technical note...
Line 1 - time passes
Line 13 - throughout his lifetime
Last line - loses (unless you meant looses? Loses, meaning, always wins. Or looses, meaning, never releases)
I thoroughly enjoyed drowning in this.
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Your eagle eye never fails me... Thank you...
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wow..
I think in some way that we all can relate to this.
very well writting.
I enjoyed it.
saint tracey. -
:O
this poem is just brilliant. it really connects to me, music is my life and my sole, and for you to have to ability to give music words in such a beautiful way is just amazing, its seriously a great job. these stanzas especially connected to me:
'In the darkest hours, when the moonlight falls just right
a melody, more felt than heard, gently disturbs the night.
A song of unrequited love, each note forms a part
of a never ending composition of a broken heart.
When he was alive, the composer, collected with such care,
the greatest works of love and gently placed them there.
He believed that somewhere in them he would find a verse
with just the perfect words that would end his lovers curse.'
The end stanza brings tears its beautiful. how you think of this i iwll never know but really thats amazing.
'As all things worldly, over time, we return to dust.
His love is gone but he still writes because he must.
Of life, of love, of peace he is totally bereft.
The devil never looses. Time is all that’s left…'
Manny thanks for letting my read this beauty,
-Michaella-
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wow i like that it makes me think of someone i know and also a movie that i luv...this is really good u are wow
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Oh! words elude me!
Well not completely, but.. how exquisite. If I were a thought I'd want you to pen me!
In awe,
Jennifer
. Rewarded 4
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oh.my.gosh.
You totally jumped out of the box and ran away with it, with this one
this is MORE that I even imagined for this prompt!!!
it's so sad!!
I read it twice over, and it just got better, and got to me each time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOu're very good at rhyming, by the way
I LOVED:
"When he was alive, the composer, collected with such care,
the greatest works of love and gently placed them there.
He believed that somewhere in them he would find a verse
with just the perfect words that would end his lovers curse.">>>> oh, wow, so tender, and SO SO SO sad!!!! 
...I feel sorry for the guy!!...(probably done the same in the past to some poor unfortunate soul..
......woops..meant 
.......
(also, i get a phantom of the opera vibe from this...not really sure why....I think it's b/c the room is just so haunting )
"He’d carefully transcribe them into sharps and clefs and chords.">>>>> the word "transcribes" makes me think of my linguistic anthropology class...it's such a technical term, but it works REALLY WELL here, because, transcribing, (in linguistic anthro terms) a conversation, takes many, painstaking hours, so, using it here..is perfect to describe this poor soul who just kept writing......
ah! the ending:
'As all things worldly, over time, we return to dust.
His love is gone but he still writes because he must.
Of life, of love, of peace he is totally bereft.
The devil never looses. Time is all that’s left….
>>>chillingly sad, he's still in that room.......trying to figure out why she won't love him, b/c he still loves her.... TRAGIC
...this is romantic, and terribly sad at the same time...
LOVE LOVE IT!!!!!!
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S.P.
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http://digitalenvi.deviantart.com/art/Feather-Back-89250412
~ too easy ? lol if so...I'll find you a hard one
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