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a Broken Mirror


Broken mirror lay on the shelf, in it I saw the sea
the Gulls were flying up and around,
but I didn’t see me,
it lay against rocks of yester years,
in a castle that once there was!
now nothing is left,
only memories
and someone who said it was because,
the castle is in a desert,
so how can I see the sea?
was this all just a mirage,
of what will be will be,
in its broken image
I could see a thunder storm!
as I felt the icy winds blowing
cold across the stormy sea,
I wish I was there instead of here,
with the hot sun burning my skin,
but as long as I wish one day it might appear,
if only this war we can win.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • sailor ptolema
    July 2, 2008

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    a very interesting take!!!

    a few things I noticed, your punctuation is....... inconsistent, and for me that was a tad distracting, also, I think you might try breaking it up,....i think it will be read more effectively that way...also, I'd see what it looks like left-align..and lastly I'm not a huge fan of capping 1st letter of every word....
    (these are just suggestions, remember )

    ok, so to the content...

    "Broken mirror lay on the shelf in it I saw the sea
    The Gulls were flying up and around, but I didn’t see me,">>> I like this. I like the rhyme, and I like

    that the person looking feels invisible, lost, and not even a mirror reflects them...

    I also like that you see many things, like the images change, much like what Sprite said below, a portal...interesting concept which I like

    I also like that the person would rather face the raging sea, than slowly dry out in the desert, sort of a lesser of 2 evils concept...cool.

    ...I also feel that there is a political reference here, to the war in Iraq...correct me if I'm wrong

    a good job with the provided picture.


    ~I do suggest that you try some of my tweeks for the poem

    ~ S.P.

    • Your not Wrong!

      You have seen right through me. Iraq is for me Hell on Earth, and many of my friends left parts of there bodies under the sands forever. And some will never be coming home again. Thank you for your comments and inputs.
      The Voice of Victory.


  • Sprite silver member
    June 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It is interesting to see where you went with this. I especially like that you see more than one thing, as if it is a portal. Good luck in the contest! ~ Joyce


  • sailor ptolema
    June 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
1 - 5 of 5