Would we have ever traveled
if we believed our wings would fall,
would the spoken words, I love you,
ever have been said at all?
Would we have dared to touch the moon
if the dark had scared us away,
and would we have discovered language
if we hadn’t had so much to say?
Would we have ever believed in hope
if we thought we were just grains of sand,
would the sun and the stars have led us
if we hadn’t seen more beyond land?
The incredible will of the human mind
overcomes the unknown we fear to find.
Author notes
Prompt: You are just a dot in the Cosmos...you are here...Unknown
In a list
A contest entry
- you are here... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
300 points, ended July 12, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Deep, profound...very truthful. I believe that hope, that self-centeredness, even, is what moved us forward. Humanity is rather incredible, when it isn't being terrible, and this beautiful poem illustrates that perfectly.
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We all know how much love can hurt, but we still do it anyway. lol. To not love, or be loved would be the ultimate tradegy, I mean really... what would the moon do without lovers.
This poem made me all mushy inside, not easy to do with an ole crust-wagon like me.
Beautiful.
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Ah..you are really there..I can see your sketches with its truths..well done..and my thanks for the impressive entry in my contest....
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Beautiful Lane as always-
xxx Hilly
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If your feelings are greater than the sea, than you spirit is stronger than the wind and bigger than my eyes can see. Only another heart willing to live would have equal size.
Love, Tom B.
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This speaks to me so directly.
I love your three little words,
I love your language,
I love your hope,
I love your sight beyond land,
and most of all,
I love your willingness
to quest beyond the known.
I love it all Lane...
(...more where those came from)
Paul
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smooth flow and tight within thought ... something not easy to do in form ... you suprised me, very nice ...
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Good stuff.
The first two lines and the couplet seal the deal for me.
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More bunnies were needed!!!
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Sonnets, or those that finish with couplets anyway, live or die on the first line and the couplet.
And here you have a first line that poses a huge question that demands the poem is read and a couplet to live or die for!
Wonderful stuff!
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wow! speechless!
love it!
love that it's a form piece! ...just learning form myself from Amera
~good luck in the contest Lane
~S.P.
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hell-lo! This is something - an irregular sonnet - and quite unlike what you usually give us. It does what any good poem should do - it says precisely what the poet wants to say, and how the poet wants to say it.
I am always worried about final couplets. I am always worried about MY OWN final couplets (dammit, I am always worried about Shakespeare's, if it comes to that!). I sometimes feel they can tend to let a sonnet down, and finish it with a jingle... sometimes I just want to stick on an extra quatrain at the end instead - know what I mean?
Full house, Aces and bunnies.
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Wonderful write, Lane. I honestly tend to like your free verse writes more, but you did a wonderful job on the rhyme.
Great take on the prompt, too. I liked the third stanza the best. Especially the part about the sun and the stars. To imagine what this world might be like if people hadn't discovered the stars and planets that revolve in outer space. I also liked the ending. It made me think of going on a search for knowledge in order to overcome the fear of the unknown in life. Thanks for sharing and best of luck in the contest.
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My Lady
Deep food for thought.
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I like this for many reasons, the rhyme and rhythm for one and the ability of humans to sometime venture outside their boxes and discover other things. Well done Lady poet
Love, C
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Yea, every now and then the old knoggin surprises ya. Best to try to make a habit of it.
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....heh
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Yes indeed, hope is a most powerful word that sustains the weakest soul, this is lovely Lane. All the best in the contest.
Love and peace always,
mj.
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Holy contemporary unorthodox sonnets!
I loved it. It had a beautiful flow.
Well done!
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lol...thanks, Boy Wonder ;)
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Ok Lane,
Another great poem from your pen.
Joe
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