There once was a man from Vancouver
That got his chub stuck in a Hoover
He reached for the plug
but slipped on a rug
The attachment turned instant remover.
Mrs. Cottonwig just cherished windex
Almost as much as her tampax
But to soak them in some?
While drinking black rum?
Caused her to start snorting ajax.
Little Timmy just loved to dust wood
With Endust as much as he could,
But his use turned inhalent
Sad pre-teen derailment
Even Old English did him no good.
Sweet Sarah was a dish scrubbing lass
That could not say "No", to a pass
But in a closet one day
Master caught her at play
With the Gardener all up in that...
Author notes
Lymerics make Jo smile
Written January 3rd, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Limericks: Your best three by Andantino.
300 points, ended May 30, 2006, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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I'm well aware of what a proper Limerick is, but because
Of personal appeal, I rather like my loose form.
I often do the same thing with iambic pentameter
In Sonnets.
One of my mentors, a Welsh gentleman, taught me
All about limericks and their origins many moons ago.
Thanks. Have a rather
pleasent afternoon.
Edited on Dec 11, 1:29 p.m. because 'Symitar really doesn't have a nude mustache'. -
One and four, of these limericks are the truest to the form. three is close and two is awful
Re ur 'lost limerick' lol
There once was a lemon that squirted
Some AIDS at a dentist who flirted
It went in his eye
On the first try
Fruits are so damn perverted.
Technically this limerick is too short in the fourth and fifth lines.
'very' would extend line four
and
'Those' and 'god' would do the job for the fifth.
thus
There once was a lemon that squirted
Some AIDS at a dentist who flirted
It went in his eye
On the very first try
Those fruits are so goddamn perverted.
You needed line five to start with a weak beat to match one and three and the 'god' extended the line to fit the metre.
Line four would work (and be more correct) with one weak beat.......'The very first try'
Still, a nice limerick, just needed padding a touch
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I'm laughing so hard ...this is brilliant
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Nice, but you do have a streak of the vicious in ya.
This is why I never clean my house. -
Lmao. I especially liked the last two limericks and the general theme that each of them follows. Very clever indeed.
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ha ha ha, this was great.
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It's not long, it's just four separate limmericks sharing the same idea on the same page.
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Hmm, rather long..though very clever. Well done. Thanx for entering, good luck.
xJox -
Actually --yes, I do I'm a tad OCD
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LMAO!! This was awesome! By any chance do you have a cleaning fetish? LOL.. This made my day.
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Freaky! Truly freaky! What leads to this sort of behavior? Boredom? Hosehold cleaning stuff doesn't exactly call to me in a sexy way. but I admire the creativity here.
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This poem was fun as hell!! I enjoyed reading it! Great Write!!
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I have to admit the title really snagged me in. I just couldn't resist the urge to read it. And it was all that it promised. I loved it. I couldn't tell you which part I liked the best because I loved them all. Thank you so much for entering this into my contest and good luck to you.
becca
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Odd, but gave as it promised, sex.
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You sound as weird as me, and that's a rare and beautiful thing. Good luck in the contest.
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I've yet to try a limerick
Shit I can't see the fecking picture with AP down on the fritz like it is now tho
Too bad we pay money and can't enjoy the use of it
I think we should IM Kevin and ask for 2 extra free days 3 if tomorrow is the same
After all we paid the $15 to be a PM and we get to see this......
Anyway I got off track here me and my rambling
Cute cute cute
Me liked this one
I wish you would pop over sometime and read something I have written
Blessings
Susan~~~~~~ -
Yeaaay! Limericks are fun!
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The girl in the picture wants to live forever, not me.
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i love them all, though the first one is pure genius. rock on.
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LOL ..okay, let me say these are some of the most twisted limericks I've read, but I liked them, a new and sadistic twist on the old favorite. Interesting pieces.. I think I like the last one yet. Shows what a traditionalist I am ..it comes closer to the humor, and further from the sadism
Believe it or not, used to have quite the limerick standoffs on here with a few of my friends. 
It got pretty crazy.
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that was funneeee. enjoyed reading it. i would hate to live forever.
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little timmy wins the prize here!
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nice write i dig your pic if i sold my soul it would be to live forever to weird i have that tatooed om my back but in egyptian actually it's an ankh with tribal but that what it means to me anyways see you around
Edited on Jan 04, 2:07 because ''. -
this is a fuuny poem good work i love this because there arnt that many funny poem at the moment but this was just a really great write and i hop[e to see more funny poems like this from you soon bia
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