oh no don’t do it,
don't make it a habit-
you have to live more,
but not like an addict-
you have to see more,
more then your parents-
ive been so tired man,
I think ive had it-
don’t be so lonely all the time-
cause I need you
but I see-
through you
will you ever see the sun?
will you stay-
in the shade?
to be hidden from the truth-
all along, you were wrong
you don’t have to say its true,
all the things you see-
turn blue
in the city light I hold-
my eyes , till death
from the left one I see red.
the life in your veins
are why they came,
and the beautys why they stay-
and you cry your pain
and drink your sin-
in the house where god-
it preys,
it preys.
got so much time-
to die,
got no one to hear these thoughts of mine-
and I get no comfort when I dream,
I must be paranoid it seems-
I hear the sound , of city streets-
in my head when I cant sleep-
and its kinda strange,
that where ever I go-
I meet someone,
for the second time again
I’ll always need someone
I’ll always need someone.
A contest entry
- you put the poet in poetry. by apples fell.
875 points, ended October 5, 2008, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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nice job man, good to see your still writing. I just booted up the old account to give it another go. i love the urgent rhythm of the first 8 lines or so...also the last third of the piece; the expression of dissociation rang true.
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Let there be words.
I can read it much better now.
Yippy. -
This font is very hard to read on the blue background, just thought you should know. I have to keep in mind that these are lyrics and your stuff in the past was always so diverse. So I'm going to do this comment a little differently then some of the others in the contest. I'm not going to point out specific weak areas as lyrics carry strength and must be spoken out loud. They also are not read like typical poetry. Here's my critique, which isn't much with lyrics in mind, but still.
"cause I need you
but I see-
through you"
- I just find this part generally weak. Lyrics or not. So many songs and poems try to express seeing through someone and it feels a bit cliché.
That's it. The rest of your expression is strong and I truly enjoyed the unique use of theme in the house verse. The whole bit is just incredibly well written there, even with the repetition of "and".
I am so glad to see that you entered our contest.
It's nice to have an entry that submits lyrics.
Kenny will be around to comment as well.
Now all I need is some sound to go with this.
;
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its an eyesore like my songs are an earsore.
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I would love to hear them.
I like a little headphone bleed,
as Jane Jenson once said.
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