[ I'm no good at writing letters; ]

I'm no good at writing letters;
Their reality is far too resounding.
I like to make believe that this poetry
isn't about you.

I know that I've never been brave,
and you know that I've not entrusted you
with how I've begun to feel.

So this is my attempt to show you.

I wish I had more courage,
because I do, I do want you to know everything.
I want you to understand
that I just want to feel safe.

I just want to be held sometimes.
And that makes me feel weak, it really does.

Just like you make me feel inadequate.

I've begun to miss you when you're not around-
when you decide to not call,
when I'm on my own at 3 a.m. taking tests
to decide the course of OUR future.

I was alone that night.
I used my cries as a lullaby
because I knew you didn't care.

I know you don't miss me when I'm gone.

And knowing all of this,
I still can't shake the feeling that
I'm going to end up in love with you.