There it rested,
A drop of blood
That should have lain
Deep within
A now uncaring vein.
And the carrier of this vein,
Lay still and breathless
In front of me
At only sixteen years old.
So still and calm
A smile floats upon her now
White face.
As here she sits in peace now
No longer feeling any pain.
Author notes
i dont know if this fits what you want or not, but its about my friend, who had a lot of pain in her life, and then one day not on purpose, she od on heroin, and well i was the one who found her, which is what the poem is about, finding her dead.
if it isnt what you meant by diffrent, then let me know and i will remove it.
thanks joss.
oh yeah and Transatlanticism dont know why you want that in the notes but there it is.
A contest entry
- Something Different! by Trent plus pen.
800 points, ended August 19, 2008, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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your right thats because this is a poem i wrote some years ago, for a book i wrote of the same name, only the manuscripe for the book was stollen, it had all been written by hand you see, so i didnt have a copy, the poem was longer, but all i could remember was up to her now white face, and i didnt have the heart, to drag up all the memory of that moment again, to finish it, so i guess i kind of took the cowards way out, and just added on the last to lines.
its a shame because it was one of the best things i ever wrote in its entirity. -
I am sorry to hear about the ordeal you went through.
This poem is really touching and is exacatly the kind of write was looking for!
I think the poem is really really good, my only problem is with
"No longer feeling any pain. "
The final line.
The poem really needs a powerful finish, and it doesn't seem to live up to the building emotion.
Maybe think of an alternate last line?
Fantastic poem!
Well done.
Trent
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