Lies and deception
Corrupt my mind and my heart,
Leaving me alone,
Alone in the dark.
Glow lights don’t even shine
Here in what I call…
Point of no return;
I think I’ve hit a dead end
In this maze I’ve run,
Run from my sadness
That seems to creep behind me
And consume my heart.
My poor heart can’t hold
All their lies and deception
That control my world,
Even with angels
And the Lord to carry me
Somewhere beyond here.
Copyright © 2007
May 7, 2007
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Just when I was thinking I'd read all your poems, I find this little gem. You did a wonderful job with it dear.
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Wow. This is so beautiful in a darker way, and I'm quite attracted to this piece. Many times, I believe that I have felt this same way; however, I was not nearly as successful in creating such an amazing piece to capture that darkness.
I loved the word choice. "Lies and deception", "corrupt", "dark", "alone", "consume", and "control". These were perfect, descriptive words that really set the mood as a compressed, trapped feeling--a sense of defeat and crushing hopelessness. Just breathtaking.
I really loved this. Keep writing!
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Your poem is genuine and creative throughout. My comparison of your poem to Coleridge was an attempt at a compliment. Sorry for the pickiness.
- Ken -
(I didn't know of those words by Coleridge).
"Desperation": I like the sustained structure of your poem - its six 3-line stanzas with the longer middle line in each, which makes for a patterned rhythm.
You hit on a strong rhyme early in the poem: "..my heart"...alone, Alone in the dark" which might have been an even further enhancement if developed or saved for an ending. And the lines "..my heart, My poor heart" are also emotional in their repetition.
(You seem to be making a strong stance against desperation here in your poetry). -
Deep and beautiful. There was so much sadness within this piece. Also darkness too. I liked the rhyme so much in this. I would call this, the 'maze of the mind'. Where you hit a dead end, as it says, in one of your stanzas.
You have nowhere else to go; nowhere else to run. And your heart anymore from your sadness. Wonderful dark piece this is.
Dark
Love
Wayne Leon.
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